Hey, lovely readers!
I’ll be in Montreal on August 19, 2017 at the Queer Between the Covers event at Pride because it sounds like super fun and let’s face it, my book is also queer between its covers!
WHERE? 1700 Rue Amherst, Montréal, QC H2L 3L5, Canada
WHAT TIME? 11pm to 5 pm.
You’ll find me at the Renaissance table selling Life in the ’Cosm and other cool books. Bring your book and I’ll sign it! Or, buy a book or get your friend to buy a book or ASK EVERYONE TO BUY MY BOOK! And I’ll sign them. The books. Not your friends.
Warning: I’m frighteningly friendly, but I promise not to spontaneously hug you. Or sniff you. (Shut up, Amy. In my defence, she smelled like freshly-washed laundry. She’s never let me live that one down.)
Relax, all you authors and writers of erotica; your jobs are safe. Nobody will accuse me anytime soon of trying to steal your thunder. Not by a long shot.
This week I confessed to my publisher that no matter what genre I try to write in, everything comes out silly. I said, “I think my genre is Silly.” My publisher feels it’s a perfectly acceptable genre. I like this person.
Because I love writing with humour, I just had to extend it to our most vulnerable space–the bedroom. While sexual activity can be mind-blowing and magical and filled with fireworks, sometimes the clunkiness of life and the quirks of people can take it to a different place. A ridiculous place, really. I know in my life some of my biggest laughs with my spouse have been in bed, when things haven’t gone to plan. Yet, those odd, imperfect moments always created a deeper intimacy between us. Made everything a bit more real, and somehow a bit more perfect.
If you’ve not read Life in the ’Cosm, then warning, spoilerishy things are imminent.
As most of the book was a stream of consciousness, I didn’t limit where I went in my writing. I got the first two chapters down, and then opened chapter three with:
Self-gratification was not an easy task in the flat.
Okay, so we’re going with masturbation in this scene, I thought, refusing to delete what I’d written. It made sense. My protagonist had been longing for someone he literally couldn’t have and the poor guy was ready to explode. I gave Virj some release, but not without adding a little mortification to the mix. (You never know where Splot is slithering, or when Sonny will barge in with breakfast questions.) A beta-reader loved that scene and told me they could totally relate to Virj’s embarrassment.
Later on in the book, there’s that infamous moment when you’ve had too much to drink and only just realised you’ve slept with someone but have no memory of it:
She paused again, frowned, lifted the sheets over her head, and inhaled deeply. Then she screamed on top of her lungs.
“I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE! WHY DO I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE?”
A valid question. We all know our personal perfumes, so when a foreign scent is blended with ours, we’d obviously like some answers. In my life, I’ve often said after a passionate tryst with my beloved, “Gee, it smells like two people who love each other.” Because doods, it truly does smell like two people! Amirite???
Also, sometimes there’s that gloppy sensation:
She shifted her position and immediately pulled a face. “Ew, I’m so goopy down there. When did you last masturbate, in your teens?”
Again, a valid question, if you cannae remember anything from the night before. Am I the only one who feels this way?
I loved adding the awkward things about sexual activity. It made me laugh, and I think it made my readers laugh, too. We can relate to the embarrassing, smelly, and goopy side of sex because that’s often what it’s actually like. Not every sexual encounter is a well-choreographed dance that ends in simultaneous orgasm. The films might want to have us believe that, but I think we writers need to tell the other side of it from time to time. We need less, “She was enthralled by his throbbing love-wand,” and more of, “OWWW! Get off my hair!”
Or is it just me?
Watching people work through those clumsy moments makes them more endearing to me as a reader, too. I don’t want to roll my eyes at the sexually unattainable. I want to laugh with empathy. I want to say, “Oh, heck, yes, I totally get it.” I want to see the sexy in the awkward, because people are still desirable when they’re goofing up. Maybe more so than when they’re suave, in my opinion. I want to make love to a real person, not a robot.
Unless it’s a cute and clumsy robot who blushes and reads poetry. I’d have to mull that one over.
Anyway, here’s to klutzy sex! Sláinte! (Raises cupcake in a toast.)
Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance Press). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.
The following is Canadian author Jamieson Wolf’s review of Life in the ’Cosm from his post, Best Books of 2016. Thanks, Jamieson! We can’t wait for your upcoming Lust and Lemonade this spring!
Life in the ’Cosm by Cait Gordon
This isn’t your typical boy meets girl story.
Virj Ofreesin is writing a fantasy novel. In it, the girl he loves is in love with him* but can’t have him. In reality, she is actually part of the Dwa species, two sharing one body, able to spend eternity with their soul mate.
Though everyone from his gay dads to his sentient daisy Sonny and his Ovum, Splot, tells him that it will never happen, Virj isn’t one to give up on his hearts desire. He had loved Frayda for three years. He won’t stop loving her just because everyone else is telling him that it can’t happen. The heart knows no limitations.
Then he meets Noola. She’s annoying, constantly chipper, a total klutz and dresses in eye watering sparkly clothing. She is also living in the same complex as [Virj] and happens to be the new editor at his office. Virj wonders how his life could get any worse.
When he learns that the Dwa Frayda and Jobie are ill, he agrees to fly to a planet in the middle of a war zone to retrieve a mystical plant that only grows upon its soil. He is congratulating himself on his bravery…until Noola says that she is going with him.
Armed with his tablet and his thirst for sweets, Virj is a man on a mission.
Life in the ‘Cosm is an intergalactic joyride of epic proportions. Laugh out loud hilarious, touching, endearing and wonderful don’t do it enough justice. The book was a joy to read from start to finish. The characters were awesome and had so much depth to them. Yes, this is a sci-fi novel but one with heart, verve and warmth. I loved this book so very much and can’t wait for Virj and Noola’s next adventure!
- Ah, but is Frayda in love with Virj? Read for yourself, peeps! ~Cait G