If you’re in Canada, you can visit the 49th Shelf website and click the Shop Local button to discover which indie shops carry it near you. Wherever you are on this rotating orb, maybe you ask if your local indie bookstore can order it for you! (And thanks to all who support the works of disabled creatives.)
When the ebook is released, I will update you all for sure! I have been told there will be an audiobook as well, but that will be released perhaps in 2024. I will keep you posted on all updates!
This is the fifth book with my name on it, and the squeefulness is still there. Maybe even more so because writing a disability hope-punk space opera in the middle of a global pandemic was really something. I can never say that enough. I’m so thrilled to Renaissance for once again believing in my work.
Yay! All the yay!
Cait Gordon is an autistic, disabled, and queer Canadian writer of speculative fiction that celebrates diversity. She is the author of Life in the ’Cosm, The Stealth Lovers, and the forthcoming Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space (2023). Cait also founded the Spoonie Authors Network and joined Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the award-nominated, multi-genre, disability fiction anthologies Nothing Without Us and Nothing Without Us Too.
So far, 2023 has been a whirlwind of drama from all dimensions. I’ve been on antibiotics for five out of twelve weeks (hopefully, it’s all over now), I yeeted Twitter into the stratosphere, I set even more boundaries on social media, I did several virtual panels and a reading, and I’ve been working on the cover design illustration for Sesaon One: Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space!
Time for a rest, right?
Well, I have decided to go camping. Camp NaNoWriMo style, that is!
I have been benevolently threatening to write a romance novel for years now. While I add romantic elements in all of my novels, I’m not really a romance author. And guess what? I’m still not! As if that’s gonna stop me from trying a thing this month!
My project is a 40K-ish novel titled Hot Wings and Sauciness. It’s the awkward space opera romance nobody asked for! Whoo! I’m going back to my roots of silliness but adding some spice too—a romance through the filter of my autistic brain. In fact, the protagonist, Colleen O’Donnell, is a snarky and saucy space station technician in her 50s who is autistic and disabled. Perfect leading lady, imo.
What?
Anyway, she hasn’t been in a relationship in years but isn’t bothered about that at all. Yet, one day on the job as she’s heading to service an air filtration unit for a melodramatic dowager countess, her friend ’Brina messages her to be on the alert for “Captain Hot Wings.” ’Brina even calls him a potential match for Colleen. Of course, Colleen dismisses the idea of this Adonis right away, but her brain keeps nudging her to be curious.
But there’s not much time to think of this guy. ’Brina and Sharon have invited a bunch of their friends, including Colleen, out for a hen party to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. And no better place to go than the Coq of the Walk, which features exotic male dancers and the best chicken wings in the solar system. Colleen would rather shave her eyelids than head there, but she’ll go along to support her friend.
Little does she know their group will all be at this hen party… dressed as hens.
Colleen then discovers an entire spectrum of being unimpressed while a stranger behind her cannot help but be amused at the expression on her face.
So, yeah, it’s absurdist and ridiculous, and a much-needed project. I have been so hard at work during this pandemic with the Nothing Without Us Too anthology and Iris and the Crew, it’s time to go back to my roots of playful and absurd humour. It’s also nice to have a protagonist who shares my neurotype, age, and disability. I can just put my foot on the gas and vrrrm!
I have about 3K written so far and will write more this afternoon!
A camping I will go!
(I love NaNoWriMo for motivation. Have you had good experiences? Let me know in the comments!)
Cait Gordon is an autistic, disabled, and queer Canadian writer of speculative fiction that celebrates diversity. She is the author of Life in the ’Cosm, The Stealth Lovers, and the forthcoming Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space (2023). Cait also founded the Spoonie Authors Network and joined Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the multi-genre disability fiction anthologies Nothing Without Us and Nothing Without Us Too.
Featured photo is a screen grab of my Camp NaNoWriMo dashboard
On March 15, I had the great honour of being one of the guest authors at the award-nominated and wonderful ephemera reading series. I was sick as heck (but hey, when am I not) and still had a blast!
I am the first author to read, but I strongly encourage you to watch the entire thing. The other guest authors are Eric Choi and Jae Waller! And there’s a cool performance by Cristianna and Josh Formeller.
It’s my first-ever public reading of Season One: Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space, and I chose an excerpt from “Episode 5: Beachfront Learns a Thing.” It stars junior security officer Lieutenant Marq Bronwryck. He comes from wealth and privilege and considers himself above everyone and everything—even chief of security Lieutenant Commander Leanna Lartha (hard to imagine that because she’s freaking awesome). He might also think he’s above needing protective equipment when a mysterious mist invades the shuttle he’s in with Lieutenant Sasha. But hey, who needs a mask, right? Not like they’ve ever been important…cough.
Hope you enjoy it! There are closed captions, but auto-generated captions misspell stuff, unfortunately. I included the excerpt of my story below the embedded video.
Transcript of my reading (Episode 5, Beachfront Learns a Thing, by Cait Gordon, advanced copy courtesy of Renaissance)
Content note for ableist attitude, and characters experiencing pain, discomfort, and/or anxiety
After being released from Medical, Marq Bronwryck was fortunately not sent back there by Lartha, but was threatened with a dishonourable discharge—through an empty weapons bay. It had been made abundantly clear to him that because of some admiral’s impending arrival, Security Chief Lartha had no time or resources to dedicate to Bronwryck’s dismissal. This discourse had even been done remotely through a comm because she had been so busy. However, she would have no problem bringing up a discharge plea to the captain once the soon-arriving admiral had been escorted to their destination.
So, his only option was to smarten up. He definitely couldn’t face his family after a dishonourable discharge. What would everyone say at the club? The shame upon him and his family would render them social outcasts.
Bronwryck wandered about random corridors since he would only be on duty in an hour. He moped inwardly, blaming everyone but himself for this current situation. Sasha, for veering into that weird nebula-turned-swarm thing; Rivers and Rennick, for overreacting and keeping him in sick bay; and Lartha, for being such a grouch all the time.
He shuffled around a corner and without warning, collapsed to the floor, clenching his thighs. The air fled his lungs and when he looked up, he saw his superior officer chatting into her arm band, a short distance away. Her back was to him.
“Yeah, we’re gonna have to step it up when the admiral comes on board. We’ll be a flagship when they arrive, and I want no sloppiness, Reez.” Lartha rubbed her thighs with an almost imperceptible wince. “Absolutely. Let’s get on that for sure.” She limped over to a reddish-orange horizontal stripe that spanned the corridor wall, one of many that were ubiquitous on the ship. She placed her right palm on it and said, “Chair.”
“What type?” said the AI.
“Hover.”
A hover-chair materialized in front of her. Lartha sat down and continued her conversation with Lieutenant Reez as she zipped away.
The pain in Bronwryck’s legs vanished. What in the worlds? He stood up and leaned against a wall, watching her.
Down the far end of the corridor, a woman with a walking stick exhaled with a whistle, then tapped her cane in a certain pattern. The corridor’s Accessible Tech stripe illuminated by her. She signed, “Chair.”
Text appeared on the stripe. “What kind?”
“Motor.”
A motorized wheelchair appeared before the woman, and she sat in it, just as Lartha approached her. The security chief signed her greeting, and they high-fived each other with a laugh as their chairs passed.
When the woman neared Bronwryck, she greeted him, and he signed back. But as soon as her chair got closer, a sensation overtook him at once that felt like searing vibrating rods had been impaled in his hips, knees, and ankles.
The other officer didn’t notice as she had stopped to text into her armband. Then she rapidly turned the corner.
Bronwryck’s cheeks streamed with tears. And suddenly, again, the pain disappeared. Did I work out too hard this morning? I’ve never had muscle and joint stuff that just came and went, though.
“Good morning, Lieutenant Bronwryck,” said Iris.
He yelped, not expecting her to be there, turned to face her, then immediately clutched his head.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
Bronwryck closed his eyes and opened them. “Ahh!” He blinked a few times and tried again. “Okay, what is this? What’s going on with me today???”
Iris took his arm gently. “Whatever it is, I’m here! What can I do to help?”
“First pain, like lots of it. Then none. And now, everything’s like, hyper-clear, my vision I mean. It’s making me really dizzy!”
“Right, I’m calling Medical.” Iris pressed her palm against the AT-stripe and said, “Transport chair.”
Once again, a chair appeared.
“I got a transport one because I’d like to take you there myself,” Iris explained.
“Help me! I don’t want to open my eyes ’cause I can’t focus without wanting to barf!”
“Don’t worry,” said Iris, then spoke into her forearm band. “Urgent Care, this is Lieutenant Iris.”
“Receiving, Lieutenant Iris. What is the nature of your urgency?”
“I’m bringing in Lieutenant Marq Bronwryck. He’s experiencing severe dizziness from what appears to be sudden onset visual hyper-acuity.”
“Copy that. We’ll be ready for him.”
“Thank you. Iris out.”
Bronwryck trembled. Iris patted his shoulder.
“Don’t be alarmed,” she said. “We’ll figure this out.”
“I’m not scared,” he lied. “I will beat this!”
Iris made a face. “Or you’ll adapt. I did.”
“Lieutenant Iris, report to the command deck. Lieutenant Iris, report to the command deck.”
“Oh, fweep.”
“You’re not going to leave me, are you?” cried Bronwryck.
“Um, just hold on a second.” Iris peered from side to side, then smiled with relief as she spotted Davan down the corridor. She called out to get his attention.
He smiled with his eyes, then switched to an expression of surprise, noticing Bronwryck in the transport hover-chair. “What is going on?” he signed while running toward them.
Bronwryck tried to respond but found he couldn’t create audible words with his mouth. His eyes fired out his alarm.
“I can’t speak, I can’t speak,” he signed.
Davan titled his head, perplexed. “No, you’re doing just fine. I can understand you completely.”
“No, no,” Bronwryck signed. “I can’t form words with my vocal cords!”
Iris frowned and held her chin for a moment before signing, “Davan, I have to go to the bridge. Will you please escort Bronwryck to Medical? And better update them. It started as pain, then his vision, and now his oral communication is affected.”
“Sure. I can take him,” signed Davan.
“Good, thanks!” she signed. “Okay, Lieutenant, you’re safe as houses with Commander Davan. You’ll get answers soon enough, I’m sure of it,” she said.
“Thank you,” he signed miserably.
Iris and Davan exchanged a glance, then she darted off to the nearest lift.
As soon as she left, Bronwryck’s vision returned to how he’d always experienced it. He sighed with relief. He tried telling Davan, but his vocal cords would still not obey. He reached out to touch Davan’s arm.
Davan stopped guiding the transport chair and stood in front of Bronwryck.
“You want to tell me something?” the commander signed.
“My vision is okay,” signed Bronwryck.
“I’m not sure what that means.”
“My vision is normal.”
“Uhhh…” Davan spelled.
“I still can’t talk out loud, though. I can only sign. This sucks.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Wow, you’re really a winner, aren’t you?”
Bronwryck jolted in his chair. “Who said that?” he signed. “Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” signed Davan.
“That voice!”
“I didn’t hear anything. Is your thought-receiver activated?”
Bronwryck checked. “No. But it felt like it was.”
“Let’s get you to Medical.”
“Can you please explain to me what you’re experiencing?” asked the triage nurse.
“Well, I had this weird nerve thing in my legs, but then it disappeared. Next, my vision made me feel I could see through time, but then it got back to usual. And now I can’t communicate,” Bronwryck signed.
“You’re communicating fine,” she signed back.
“No, I mean out loud.”
“Can you show me what happens when you try to speak orally?”
Bronwryck opened his mouth. “Right, I… hey! I can talk! What the gleek? Why is everything stopping and restarting for me?”
“I can’t say for sure,” said the nurse, “but we’ll keep you here for observation. I know Doctor Rivers will want to perform some tests and give you a full examination.”
“But I had one when Sasha and I got quarantined. No virus or anything. Can’t I just return for duty now?”
“Sit tight,” said the nurse. “I’ll get the doctor.”
“Fine,” he said and folded his arms yet again in a right sulk.
“Caught on yet, genius?”
Bronwryck yelped and glanced around the room. He removed his pocket scanner and searched for life signs. It seemed like it was just him in the room. Then he remembered that Engineering had tweaked the capabilities of Security’s scanners, under the new configuration Lieutenant Commander Herbert had designed. Bronwryck modified his settings to allow for the fullest detection of organic sentient life.
Instead of one reading, his own, there were now two.
“Hello, you razor-sharp thing, you!”
The junior security officer leapt off his chair.
“HELP, HELP ME!” he screamed.
The voice inside his head merely groaned.
“Well, this is peculiar,” Doctor Rivers muttered while studying the readings in his examination room. Holographic, floating touch-displays eased the pressure on his finger joints and could be brought to whatever position he was at, whether sitting or standing. And this afternoon, the equipment had been modified with the parameters gleaned from Herb’s upgrades of Security’s handheld scanner.
Bronwryck lay very still on the cot. He was afraid to move.
“I still can’t make out anything,” said Rivers. “Are you sure you got two readings?”
“Of course I’m sure!”
“No need to shout. It’s just that I’m not picking up a secondary life form.”
“Oh, fine.”
Rivers jerked his head. “Ah, there we go!”
“And did you hear the voice?” asked Bronwryck.
“Voice? No. But I can make out a blip on your anterior insular cortex. In your brain configuration, it plays a strong role in helping you process things like compassion, empathy…”
“Should I explain what those are? Because it’s like a void in here.”
“Hey!” said Bronwryck. “That’s not very nice.”
“What did I say?” said Rivers. “This is actually the location on your brain scan.”
“No, not you. I was talking to the thing.”
“The thing? Now who’s not being nice?!”
Bronwryck clutched his head. “You’re sure you can’t hear it, Doctor Rivers?”
“I am not an ‘it.’”
“Sorry. What’s your pronouns?”
“He/him,” said Rivers.
“Not you!”
Rivers gestured like he was about to give up on the conversation. “What is going on? Who are you addressing?”
“We refer to ourselves as ‘I’, or ‘we’ as a group, but we never refer to other individuals of our species with a pronoun. Only by our name. You may call me Maddox.”
“Lieutenant Bronwryck?” asked Rivers.
The security officer took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He raised his head to face the doctor. “Yeah, okay, so I’m talking to Maddox.”
“Who’s that?”
“The blip on my brain scan.”
“Of all the beings to cohabitate in symbiosis for life, this is the brain-meat I end up with.”
Cait Gordon is an autistic, disabled, and queer Canadian writer of speculative fiction that celebrates diversity. She is the author of Life in the ’Cosm, The Stealth Lovers, and the forthcoming Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space (2023). Cait also founded the Spoonie Authors Network and joined Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the multi-genre disability fiction anthologies Nothing Without Us and Nothing Without Us Too.
Featured photo is the S.S. SpoonZ, drawn by Cait Gordon
Surprise! We have a bonus episode for season one, which I’ve nicknamed In the ’Cosm, Special Husband Edition! Yes, my spouse, author Bruce D. Gordon, is making his debut with the first novel in his Dissastified Me series, Dissatisfied Me: A Love Story! It’s a humorous mock memoir set against the nostalgic backdrop of pop culture that expands from the 1970s to present day.
Bruce shares with us what led him to write this first book of the series and discusses how popular culture can serve as major life milestone markers. He also talks about his love of music, and has a fun fact that gives me vertigo! (Btw, to clarify, when I mentioned I was also a dual citizen, I meant Irish and Canadian. My Broose is the Sco’ish one.)
(Please scroll down to read the transcript for this episode.)
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing and giving a positive rating!
Transcript
Two Gordons are better than one!
Intro: Hi, and welcome to In the ‘Cosm. I’m your host, Canadian speculative fiction author, Cait Gordon. I started this podcast so I could chat with authors and other creatives I simply fangirl over. I hope you enjoy diving into my microcosm and feel inspired to seek out the works of these amazing humans.
Hi, I’m Cait Gordon, and today, we’re having what I like to call Season One Special Husband Edition, because on this bonus episode, I’ll be interviewing a human I’ve been married to for almost 30 years, brand-new Canadian author Bruce D. Gordon. Bruce’s debut novel, Dissatisfied Me: A Love Story, is a humorous mock memoir, teeming with pop culture nostalgia. After working many years as an IT manager for the federal government, Bruce’s love for creative writing was first sparked by the challenge of NaNoWriMo 2017. Since then, he’s participated in NaNoWriMo each year, with a goal of publishing a Dissatisfied Me trilogy. When not working or writing, Bruce enjoys playing guitar, watching superhero movies, and listening to Iron Maiden. Welcome Brooose!
Bruce Gordon: Hey!!! Hello, uh, Wifey? Or Cait?
Cait Gordon: [Laughs] I will accept both Wifey and Cait. So [laughs], as I was saying to you, it’s funny to welcome you into my microcosm because you’re always here… and you never leave! (laughs)
Bruce Gordon: I know! Aren’t you lucky?
Cait Gordon: I’m very lucky and welcome to my podcast!
Bruce Gordon: Thank you for having me.
Cait Gordon: So, um, I want to just dive in, if that’s okay with you?
Bruce Gordon: Sure! Go for it.
Cait Gordon: So, your very first novel will be out in September. And can you tell us about Dissatisfied Me: A Love Story, how you came up with it, and how you came up with that title?
Bruce Gordon: Oh boy. You know, it’s one of those funny things because, as you said, it is a mock autobiography, done with a bit of a humorous twist to it, and it’s about this guy, maybe not so coincidentally, but on the eve of his 50th birthday, he’s, he finds himself alone in the basement of his room in his mother’s home, and you know, he’s going through some of some of these old boxes which contain items, which mark milestones of his life. And so, as he’s sorts… so the book really is a reflection of his life story as he’s uncovering these old objects and remembering these things. And you know, when you mix in, you know, your life story, of course he’s going to remember some of the history that goes alongside of that. So, being a child of the late 60s are born in the late 60s, he has a lot of nostalgic memories of his growing up in 70s and 80s. So, I mixed in a lot of that, the pop culture influences there because they too contribute to his milestones. A little bit about how I came up with the title Dissatisfied Me. I always sort of say that there’s a simple answer and a complicated answer. The simple answer is, well my character, as you might guess, leads a somewhat–in his mind–dissatisfied life. So, because I write the story from the first-person perspective, “dissatisfied me” sort of fits that mold, bit of a longer thing and more, uh [makes tongue-tied sounds], sorry, I get tongue tied every now and again.
Cait Gordon: That’s okay. My friend, my friend Dianna Gunn says that we are writers, not speakers. [Laughter]
Bruce Gordon: Yeah. Well, I used to make a joke that people learn to speak Bruce, and I’m glad I’ve been married to someone, for the past 30 years, who’s learned that language very quickly.
Cait Gordon: I’m very fluent in Bruce.
Bruce Gordon: [Shy laugh] The, the longer, the longer narrative about the Dissatisfied Me though sort of relates to how I started my writing journey, you know, and I started writing for lack, lack of a better word, you know, I started blogging about 10 years ago. And in my blogs, my first series was called The Sunday Rants where every Sunday, I’d publish something about–something that dissatisfied me, and I tried to throw in a bit of a humorous twist to it. The blog sort of evolved into Facebook posts, which had a daily message, and it was called by The Days of Dissatisfaction, and every year I have 100 days of dissatisfaction, and the people who followed me on Facebook started dubbing me Mr. Dissatisfied. [Cait laughs] So then, so then you [laughs]. So then, and I appreciated this, as a bit of a joke, and it’s a funny one, you reserve the domain name dissatisfiedbruce [Cait laughs], my website [Cait laughs some more]. And I was so tickled pink by that, and you know, we started designing this character, wearing a kilt, you know, it was a sort of a cartoony character that supported the blog and it was–he was wearing a kilt had a bag over his head, and I continued my blogging around things that dissatisfied me, the days of dissatisfaction, mixed with a lot of nostalgic elements as well [Cait says, “Yeah.”] and they all sort of tied together, and they contributed to the writing of this book.
Cait Gordon: And you know I, officially on this podcast, I’d like to apologize to you for being upset when you came up with the 100 days of dissatisfaction, thinking, “Oh wow,” you know, “I’m so glad that you feel dissatisfied all the time!” And I, I’d like to apologize for that because if you didn’t do that, you wouldn’t have this book! [Laughter] And people loved it. They looked forward to reading 100 Days of Dissatisfaction.
Bruce Gordon: Some of them wanted it to be a permanent entry, but you know, it was hard being dissatisfied that much to be honest with you. [Cait laughs]
Cait Gordon: Yeah, because you’re married to me. [Laughter]
Bruce Gordon: And here’s the weird twist about it: every single time I hit Day 100, I looked back on the 100 days of dissatisfaction and would say to myself, “I’ve nothing to be dissatisfied about, in fact, I have a lot of good reasons to be satisfied!” So, it was a bit of a cleansing exercise, and it made me feel great at the end of it.
Cait Gordon: Oh, that’s interesting, like, for it to be kind of a cathartic thing. I do, I do want to, like, you touched a little bit about why you wrote this backdrop of popular culture. And that’s what I really loved about your book, was laced in between what’s happening in Rick’s life, is all the popular culture, I mean, you and I are the same age basically. And I think it would also appeal to people who are younger and older as well because it’s taking from the 70s to present day. And I just wanted to just ask again why it was important for you to have, I mean, popular culture really integrated because it’s not just like a little ethereal backdrop, it’s almost a character itself in the story.
Bruce Gordon: No, and it’s very true. So apart from all the stuff I just talking about, about how all these ideas connected together. To me, pop culture is an easy reference for history. [Cait makes sound of agreement] So, and if you think about it, that amazed me in my personal life, and maybe also being an only child, certain ideas of pop culture or certain elements of pop culture have made strong, I guess, landmarks of strong markers in my life. You know, I have a very simple example and I’m noy sure if this applies to everybody: Can you remember your first celebrity crush?
Cait Gordon: I can, I can.
Bruce Gordon: Do you dare share with us?
Cait Gordon: Okay. Please don’t mock me, it was Donny Osman, he had those purple socks, I even got purple socks [laughs]. I just had this, I was young, I don’t know if I was five or six, but I had this terrible crush on Donny Osmond.
Bruce Gordon: So, it defined a marker because it was–I had a similar experience too when it defined a marker, saying, “Oh, this is the first time I recognize, I remembered having a crush on someone,” you know. And sure, there’s crushes on the people in real life but, really, in my mind, you know, having a celebrity crush, it marked a time and place in history. [Cait says, “Yeah.”] You know? And you could also extend that further, like maybe your first date, what was the movie, what was the first movie you went to on your first date?
Cait Gordon: Okay, that’s amazing! This is fantastic! I know that too! [Laughs]
Bruce Gordon: So do I. I’m embarrassed to say was Halloween II.
Cait Gordon: Mine was Octopussy. [Laughter] But yeah, no, I really see that though how popular culture could actually, yeah, could be integrated with milestones,
Bruce Gordon: And a challenge when you’re writing over a 50-year period of someone’s life, it’s an easy way of identifying those state markers in the story, so people could say, oh yeah, “A guy saw Videodrome, so that’s probably taking place somewhere in the middle 80s.”
Cait Gordon: Right.
Bruce Gordon: So, it’s a bit of a nice cheat for me as a writer.
Cait Gordon: Yeah, very cool. You know what, I didn’t even know that. So, I’m getting to learn things about your process! [Bruce might be saying, “Well, there you go!”] Isn’t this fun? [Laughs]
Bruce Gordon: For sure. [Laughs]
Cait Gordon: Okay, so I want to talk about another part of your book, which is almost like a character in itself to me, um, music, you know, you there’s a band in the book and because I’ve actually been in bands with you back when we first got to know each other, we were in bands together, so I know how much music means to you. And can you share the role it’s played in your life; in this book you’re writing?
Bruce Gordon: Um, so that’s a very interesting question. So, music has always been a passion for me in my life. [Cait makes agreement sound.] And, you know, there are parts of, again it’s a question for me: What was the first [unclear] music I listened to, what were the first songs where I consciously had a record on the record player and started listening to. Well for me, it was all those, you know those Disney-type stories [Cait goes, “Mmm!”], you know, Robin Hood and, or stories like Wizard of Oz, which was, there was a recording made of the film score.
Cait Gordon: Right.
Bruce Gordon: I used to love those as a six-year-old, and I would listen to them nonstop, and again, I spent a lot of time listening, memorizing. And as I matured, a couple of things came very clear for me. I love music that was up tempo that had, it was just a narrow view of music at the time, but that was the only thing I really liked.
Cait Gordon: Right.
Bruce Gordon: And as I hit teenage life, what was up tempo? Heavy metal. And so, naturally injecting heavy metal, punk, those sort of influences into my character was very easy. I was like, I am a bit of a music geek, I read up about the bios of bands and stuff like that, so it was very easy for me to write about music and things like that. Yeah, very natural connection for me. It’s also in terms of writing and creativity, I always listen to music, not just for the melody or not just for the lyrics but the layers, and so I always look for the depths of things. [Cait makes sound of agreement.] And so, I think, even, even though I played guitar and I haven’t played much in the last few years, when I compose music, I will always compose in layers. And that’s sort of applied to my writing style, too, so I would have layers of characters layers of scenes, you know, and how they also relate and that sort of, you know, that’s sort of my approach in terms of thinking a little bit more than just linear but, you know, bigger picture.
Cait Gordon: And the name of the fictitious band in your book is???
Bruce Gordon: Scottish Rot. [Laughter]
Cait Gordon: And you are Sco’ish yourself. You’re like me, we’re dual citizens. (Btw, Cait is Irish and Canadian, not Scottish).
Bruce Gordon: You bet!
Cait Gordon: I loved, I loved Scottish Rot, I enjoyed their lyrics very much. [Laughter] I mean, I loved everything about that band, and what you put that band through. I think it’s a real fun element of the book.
Bruce Gordon: Well yeah, and you know, it was easy for me to… it was easy for me just because I can, I can remember it was like being a 16-year-old. Even though I learned to play guitar a little bit later, but the attitudes of being a teenager, learning an instrument, are still present, I mean, you thought you could do anything. You could practice for a few minutes and suddenly, you think you’re the best band since sliced bread. You know, it’s funny I remember recording an original song like, shortly after I learned how to play guitar, and I played it for someone, you know, I was proud of it and really excited, and the person looked at me as if I was growing another head. [Laughs]
Cait Gordon: Oh my!
Bruce Gordon: They just couldn’t understand it. But for me, it was my baby, you know, and I couldn’t understand why no one else could appreciate it. So, I mean, I certainly had those feelings and attachments early on in my life, in terms of what it means to play in a band, write music, and get that initial reaction from people too.
Cait Gordon: Yeah, whether it’s good or bad, it’s still your baby, and really, good or bad, that’s all relative anyway. I can definitely say that you are an excellent song composer.
Bruce Gordon: Well, thank you.
Cait Gordon: Yeah, and an arranger. You’re awwwesomme. [Bruce laughs] I want to switch lanes, though, because you know, we mentioned about NaNoWriMo in your bio, and this is, this is something I actually want to talk to you about. I’d like to chat about how Nano, the NaNoWriMo writing movement, say that five times fast, has impacted you like, you seem to be really for NaNo, and I’m gaining enthusiasm for it as well, so can you talk to us about NaNo, and how that sparked you as an author?
Bruce Gordon: Yeah well, so. So, for me, I always, I’ve always been one to need challenges to push me forward [Cait makes sound of agreement]. Many, many years ago, I took on the challenge of learning to run a half marathon. And so, it was just a matter of okay, how do you get there, and you need to sort of have a bit of structures, really to get there. And I get it, you know, people do things very differently and I will never say, “My way is the best way or anything like that.” No no no. But what I loved about NaNo is that it gave you a conscientious goal to work towards [Cait makes sound of agreement], you know, and you could work towards that goal in any way that you wanted to. Now at the time when I did it, the goal was very, I thought was a very lofty; it was around 50,000 words to be written in a month.
Cait Gordon: Yeah.
Bruce Gordon: But the whole objective was to get writing and encourage people to write and to keep writing, even when it’s a little bit tougher to write. Because some days you’re gonna have great days, and other days may not be so good. So, for me, it sort of inspired me to just keep putting pen to paper and even on those days that I struggled, I found, you know what? I discovered a new lane to write down in that struggle day.
Cait Gordon: Nice.
Bruce Gordon: I discovered a new prompt, which I could write around and help guide me and point me in the right direction. And I’ve never been someone to structure myself when I’m writing, I’ve always had a little bit of prompts along the way, a little bit markers and goals where to write towards, and NaNo helped encourage that quite a bit.
Cait Gordon: Very cool. I tried NaNo for the first time also in 2017, and that’s when I was writing for The Stealth Lovers, and then in the spring and CampNaNo in 2018, I kind of finished the first draft of The Stealth Lovers, and then I didn’t really do anything with Nano after that. And the pandemic, everything going on in the pandemic really affected my ability to read and to write. And this year though, CampNaNo was coming around in April and I thought, well, what I like about it is you can set your own word count. So, I thought, “Okay 20,000 words.” I know how I feel with my body, my mind. I feel I can do 667 words a day or whatnot, right? Um, and then I met that, and I was like, “Hey!” And I think for me it was, it was going to that dashboard every day and just putting in the word count. Like, I actually started to be excited about it? Um, and that kind of prompting and structure just kind of helped rehabilitate my brain to just get on the bandwagon again. And so, I took May off and realized, you know, towards the end of May, I only really need about 20,000 more words to finish the first draft of Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space. So [laughs], I set another 20,000-word goal and called it CaitNoWriMo [laughter], and then I hit it, and so now, I’m kind of the mindset of, hey, if I ever feel like I need that little push, I’m just gonna use the NaNoWriMo dashboard because you can actually do things, anytime a year. Like, if I wanted to write a novella that was 30,000 words or something, I could like, you know, I don’t even have to do it in a month, I could just keep on going and uh… Would you ever consider using the NaNoWriMo dashboard, outside of the regular times or for smaller goals and such?
Bruce Gordon: I haven’t thought too much about it, and I think partially because the November timeframe always held a special place in my heart because over the last few years, they’ve helped me shape some my writings today. That said, going forward, as I start new projects, I think I would. I think it makes sense to do that, if they’re small motivators and it’s a great tool to use. I especially found it useful in the last year where, you know, it’s nice to see the graphs and the tracking of your progress and it’s a nice little encouragement to keep you motivated.
Cait Gordon: And I have this thing about the digital stickers [laughter]: 5000 words, 10,000 words! I don’t know, I just find that I it just appeals to me.
Bruce Gordon: Yeah, well they’re small encouragements, and you want, and you want to get that little sticker, and you want to get, and you want to be able to claim the prize at the end, because some of the prizes are pretty cool. If you reach your goal.
Cait Gordon: There’s prizes?
Bruce Gordon: Not–well, do they offer discounts and things like that.
Cait Gordon: Oh, that’s cool! [Laughs]
Bruce Gordon: In fact, my first, so I use Scrivener quite a bit. I’m a huge Scrivener fan, especially when learning to draft out your work. It’s such a flexible tool, but I yeah, I was able to purchase it from NaNo at a substantial discount. I think it was available to winners, but I could be wrong on that. Maybe was available to all of NaNo writers.
Cait Gordon: Well, that’s really neat. I’m gonna actually look into that and see what else is there.
Bruce Gordon: But they had subscriptions to Grammarly and neat little things like that. Nice little tools to leverage, being part of the NaNo community.
Cait Gordon: Nice!
Bruce Gordon: Yeah!
Cait Gordon: Okay, so hey, we’re kind of zooming through this. Oh my gosh, that was a pun, and I didn’t even know it [laughs].
Cait Gordon: There you go [laughs].
Cait Gordon: So, um, I typically like to ask authors about what they’re indulging in, like, are there any books and series that you’re into right now?
Bruce Gordon: You know, these days I’ve been, in this past couple of weeks, I’ve been indulging in Stanley Kubrick movies.
Cait Gordon: Right [a little laugh].
Bruce Gordon: And [laughs] it’s one of those things where I’ve been trying to rewatch them all. One thing I like about a lot of the stories that Kubrick chooses is that he likes to pick stories that have strong antiheroes, and I’ve always been a fan of the antihero. A lot of the shows that I watch and love? Yeah, they’ll have an antihero in them. And so, just to list a couple I mean, and they’re the big, big ones out there you know like you talk about the Breaking Bad‘s and you talked about the Dexter‘s and Sopranos, you know, they all have a– 24, even Jack Bauer ordinarily, he’s a, he can be considered an antihero. They’ve always been there as part of my interests that draw me into a story. So, generally speaking, yeah, but those are the types of stories that interest me is when the characters are far from perfect.
Cait Gordon: Yeah.
Bruce Gordon: And, and so, and they’re always interesting to me.
Cait Gordon: Yeah, I mean, they’re fun to read, they’re fun to write as well.
Bruce Gordon: Yeah, exactly.
Cait Gordon: I’m surprised you didn’t mention all the DC series that you watch!
Bruce Gordon: Yeah, I know [Cait laughs] and funny in your blurb at the beginning, you talk about [my] watching superhero movies, and it’s true, I mean, I do love superhero stuff. I have to admit during the COVID, and I’m starting to feel this in the last few weeks, I’ve been a little bit oversaturated [laughs] with the amount of DC, and again it’s part of how I do things like NaNo, if there’s a goal, I’m committed to hitting that goal, and I won’t stop until I get there. With this DC superhero stuff? There’s so much TV content that was generated. And look, I would say cautiously for DC fans out there that the Arrowverse that’s on the CW Network? There’s some interesting storylines in there, but it really plays out like a soap opera, and it can be slow, and it can drag, and there’s a lot of space filler, and there’s a lot of times where people are just talking about their feelings, so for about 20 minutes, when they can just say, by what they do in five seconds what they truly feel.
Cait Gordon: [Laughs and tries to speak] You and the feelings thing! You have to understand, folks, that I watch stuff with Bruce, and every time there’s an overly, over discussion of feelings, he gets very upset [laughter]. “More feelings? We have to talk about feelings?” [Laughs]
Bruce Gordon: And the thing was, I never was sensitized to that before watching these DC things, because you know it’s true. When you, when you watch constantly the episodes of Flash and The Arrow, you get you get bombarded with that. And it’s sort of sad because you could have a really good TV show, and they have one episode where they really need to talk about feelings, [laughs] and I get this sort of adverse reaction to it.
Cait Gordon: You’re going to be okay though.
Bruce Gordon: I’ll survive. [Cait laughs]
Cait Gordon: Okay, look, I, I’ve come to the last question.
Bruce Gordon: Oh, okay, well there you go.
Cait Gordon: Tell us a fun fact about yourself.
Bruce Gordon: Fun fact? You know, I don’t know if I have a fun fact. I work– because you know, I’m a public servant and that sort of fun but uh… [Laughter]
Cait Gordon: I think you could do better than that [laughs].
Bruce Gordon: A fun fact about myself, okay. As a teenager, I used to play squash, and I was on the Quebec squash team for the Under Sixteens.
Cait Gordon: Okay… why don’t you tell the people about when you were in the Naval reserves?
Bruce Gordon: Well, I was going to get to that, but is that really that fun?
Cait Gordon: That’s kind of awesome. You know I’m talking about, right? That photo that we have of you downstairs?
Bruce Gordon: Oh, you mean the one, the one that’s on the wall here?
Cait Gordon: The one where there’s two ships, and then there’s you? That’s a fun fact! [Bruce says, “Yeah, there’s that!”] Why don’t you tell people about that fun fact?
Bruce Gordon: Yeah, so I mean, I was, so I was in the naval reserves, and one of the cool things I did when I was an officer training, I was serving, uh…. I was doing some training on board a tanker, and one job a tanker has is to refuel destroyers or other ships at sea. And part of that process is that not only do they refuel other ships, but they also replenish them with other supplies, and they have what they call jackstay line, which is a line that connects the two ships, where they could pull using pulleys, all these provisions. So, part of the fun we officer cadets had was that they wanted us to have the experience of transferring people between the two ships, in the middle of the open ocean, using these jackstay lines. So yeah, we each took our turn to cut across the ship. I was the second to last to go and you know all the crewmen were doing all the work pulling us from ship to ship. And, you know, as you’re crossing the water, you’re looking down, and you see the wake, crashing between the boats [Cait goes, “Oh, goshhh.”] and it’s pretty intimidating. You know that if you were to fall, you’re going to get washed away and probably lost at sea somewhere. But these crewmen, you know they’re tired, you know. And so, as we’re going across, you know, I heard someone from the other ship go, “Aw, this this one’s particularly heavy!” [Cait laughs] Some of them started to dip forward as they worked, and then they pulled it up and of course I started bouncing away on the line. They’re howling with laughter at their little joke, but I’m holding on for dear life. Never forget that. It’s been a great moment.
Cait Gordon: Yeah, no kidding! My word! Okay, well thank you so much for appearing on my little podcast. I really appreciate that.
Bruce Gordon: Well, thank you so much!
Cait Gordon: You’re gonna get some cake out of this [laughs].
Bruce Gordon: I think we’ll have some celebratory cake. Absolutely.
Cait Gordon: You learn more about Bruce D. Gordon by following his website disatisfiedbruce.com You can pre-order Dissatisfied Me: A Love Story through the Renaissance press website, that’s pressesrenaissancepress.ca and from online booksellers, including Chapters-Indigo. Transcripts for In the ‘Cosm are available at caitgordon.com That’s C-A-I-T gordon dot com. Thanks for joining us. Take care and stay safe.
(Transcribed by https://otter.ai. Edited for clarity by Cait Gordon.)
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate who has been vaccinated against COVID-19, or how she likes to say it, “I’ve been stabbed for the good of the realm!” She wants to remind folks to continue to think of others as we battle this pandemic!
Cait is also the author of humorous space opera novels Life in the ’Cosmand The Stealth Lovers, and she is the co-editor of the Prix Aurora Award nominated anthology Nothing Without Us. When Cait’s not writing, she’s editing manuscripts and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. Her latest new adventure is hosting the In the ’Cosmpodcast, which is really an excuse to gush over authors she admires.
Author’s note: This is my flash fiction for October’s entry of the 2020 Flash Fiction Challenge. Each month of 2020, on the first Monday, I’ll draw cards to determine the genre, setting, and an object that has to appear in the short story. Participants will have until the following Monday to link their stories to the blog post I put out each month. Then I’ll do a follow-up post and share the stories that have come in (before the deadline). It’s only for fun and non-competitive.
October’s draw results: (genre) Western, (setting) a museum, and (object) a cracked pot. Yeah, I swear, those were the cards I drew.
This is my very silly and weird entry: Showdown Over the Somewhat-Okay Corral
“Why, howdy, there, Tex!”
“Yeah, it’s still Phil. It’s always been Phil, and it will always be Phil.”
“Aw, come on, buddy. Just work with me here.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“You get this way every time we’re assigned to this section of the museum.”
Freddy looked around. It was his favourite place. These old western exhibits reminded him of the films he used to watch with his grandmother on public broadcasting television. Whenever he did security in this spot with Phil, he couldn’t resist acting out the scene.
“That’s because I’m really not into white settler crap.”
Freddy frowned. True, Phil did have a point. At the same time, the exhibits were so vivid, it almost felt like they came to life. Freddy meandered over to a scene of two men with guns pointed at each other, ready to kill. One of the men was dressed in black with a black cowboy hat and the other like a sheriff with a white hat, so it was a typical case of good guy versus bad guy.
“Please?” Freddy pleaded again. “This is the last time, I swear.”
Phil parked his butt in a chair and pulled his navy-blue security cap over his eyes.
Freddy sighed. “So, I’ll take that as a no.”
Phil pointed at his partner with one hand and touched his own nose with the other, like in charades, when someone guessed correctly.
Freddy clicked his tongue and wandered over to the display again, trying to imagine what those days had really been like. As his eyes took everything in, he noticed something seemed out of place. It was a ceramic pot from a completely different era, with a huge crack winding down its surface. Encrusted within the intricate design were all sorts of gems: amethysts, rubies, sapphires. Not very old-westerny at all. He bent over the clear acrylic half-wall and reached for the pot. Turning it upside down to see if there was a card indicating to which exhibit it belonged, Freddy could find no information about this relic.
He turned it right round again, inspected its surface, and gently brushed the dust from one of the gems.
“Phil, do you know what this is?”
“I don’t right know who this Phil is, but I ain’t seen you round these here parts before.”
Freddy slowly raised his head in the direction of the voice. It wasn’t his security partner, but the man in the black hat and long curled moustache pointed a gun right at him.
“I… what?” Freddy managed.
“Now see here, Jake, yer business is with me, not this beardless youth.”
“But I’m 35,” said Freddy.
Jake spit out his chewing tobacco. “Right, and I’m Miss Aggie from the Cathouse! You got a face like a baby’s bottom.”
Freddy preened. “Well, I do moisturize!”
The sheriff and Bad Jake McKinney made similar faces.
“Uh, yeah,” said Freddy. “Please don’t let me keep you from your duel.”
Bad Jake guffawed. “Duels are for sissies. This here is a proper showdown.”
“You mean like the one at the O.K. Corral?!”
“Ya take that back or eat lead, son. My corral be one of the finest in the land.”
The sheriff scratched his beard with his gun. “The young’un has a point, Jake. Mean, it’s only somewhat okay. For a corral. But not worth all this fuss and fighting o’er it. Don’t rightly know why you felt it was worth stealing from Granny Betsy anyhow.”
Bad Jake scowled, then paused, still not lowering his gun. “Ya really don’t reckon it’s on a great a property?”
“Well, I wouldn’t wage my life and limb for it. Now, the corral that Mr. Owens has, it’s a beaut. For sale, not too dear a price and all. Land has a good size well and a home with a south-facing screened-in porch. Might pretty come sunset.”
“Ya don’t say? What’re the ’menities? I like bein’ close to town.”
Freddy stared at the two men, mouth agog. What the? This wasn’t at all like the westerns he’d watched as a child. It felt like The Real Estate Channel… with ten gallon hats and guns drawn.
Bad Jake lowered his weapon. “Sheriff, I’m willing to give back Granny Betsy her corral if you’ll put in a word for me with Owens. What do you say?”
The sheriff nodded, and pulled out deed papers from his leather vest, which he’d brought in case Bad Jake had been willing to listen to reason. “I got the contract here. And we can stop by straightaways to look the place over.”
“I’ll git my horse and follow ya there.”
And just like that, the two men left the scene, completely forgetting Freddy, the baby-faced stranger who had been new to those there parts. He shook his head, looked down at the cracked pot he still carried, then rubbed it vigorously.
“What are you doing?”
“Phil!” Freddy ran to his counterpart, put down the pot, and gave him a huge bear hug.
“Uh… dude?” Phil had never really known his friend to be that affectionate before.
“Never mind,” said Freddy, letting go.
“You okay?”
Freddy gingerly picked up the pot, being careful not to rub any of the gemstones.
“What’s that thing?”
“Oh, just something I need to return to another exhibit.”
Phil felt concerned over the confused expression on Freddy’s face. “You’re acting weird.” He slapped his thighs and got up from his chair. “Fine. I’ll play cowboys with you, but this is the last time. I mean it.”
Freddy pulled a face like he’d just eaten something really sour. “Nah, forget it. Turns out I’m not really into white settler crap either. They stole from Indigenous folks, then from each other… and sometimes only to construct subpar corrals. Also, I think the sheriff gets a kickback from Mr. Owens, so that’s kinda gross.”
Phil stared after his friend, who walked away with the pot, holding it as if it had germs.
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate who wants everyone to be wise and think of others as we battle COVID-19!
She’s also the author of Life in the ’Cosmand The Stealth Lovers. When Cait’s not writing, she’s editing manuscripts and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also teamed up with Kohenet Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the Nothing Without Us anthology (a 2020 Prix Aurora Award finalist for Best Related Work) in an attempt to take over the world.
Author’s note: This is my flash fiction for September’s entry of the 2020 Flash Fiction Challenge. Each month of 2020, on the first Monday, I’ll draw cards to determine the genre, setting, and an object that has to appear in the short story. Participants will have until the following Monday to link their stories to the blog post I put out each month. Then I’ll do a follow-up post and share the stories that have come in (before the deadline). It’s only for fun and non-competitive.
September’s draw results: (genre) YA, (setting) a warehouse, and (object) a lone shoe or boot.
Hope you enjoy my entry: Troping the Light Fantastic
Tierney and Trevor, the twins with Intelligence of Immeasurable Value, found themselves unable to resist exploring the abandoned warehouse on Old Moffat Rd., which perhaps defied their intelligence quotient, but curiosity had gotten the better of them. Ginger heads almost touched while blue eyes ravenously examined the blueprint Tierney had concocted from her brother’s research.
“This is gonna be epic,” she said, then checked to see if her flashlight still worked. It did. So far, so good.
Trevor held onto the blueprint, upon which a bright red path had been traced. “Okay, so according to my calculations, the phony entrance is here, and—”
“BURRRRRRP!”
The brother’s shoulder slumped as he looked ahead, unimpressed by this inevitable disturbance.
“Burner, why are you?”
Blaine Burner must have been the jockiest jock who’d ever donned a jockstrap. Star quarterback, a shoo-in for prom king, and Daddy’s Special Guy Who Totally Deserved That Porsche, he’d never missed an opportunity to flex his biceps and torment “losers.” He stood with his tanned arms folded across his red and blue team jersey. A raven-black cowlick fell over his right eye.
“Heading for the bonfire in my honour, what else?”
“Ah, so they’re sacrificing virgins this year,” said Tierney, tapping her flashlight like a security baton.
Burner grimaced. It had gotten around that he’d chickened out with Felicity at the A-lister’s house party, and he’d taken great pains to make sure he had annihilated her truth with a whopping pack of lies, fueled of course, by his great big fragile masculinity.
“No, they can’t be, because you’re not at the stake, Ugly.”
“Oh no, Burner thinks I’m ugly. Let me go die now. Or not. Because I don’t care.”
The quarterback scowled.
“Okay, we’re wasting time. Let’s go, sis.” Trevor grabbed Tierney’s arm and pulled her forward.
“Ow, dude!” she cried.
“Sorry,” he let go. “I didn’t mean to yank you.”
“Yeah, do that again, and I’ll wallop you.”
Trevor sighed.
“Wait!” said Burner.
Tierney turned the flashlight on him.
“AH!” He crossed his hands over his eyes. “Could you not?”
She turned it off again. “What is it?”
He squinted, then blinked. “Where are you guys going?”
“Nowhere,” said Trevor. “Come on, Tiern.”
“Why the map?” asked Burner.
“Go away.”
The twins ignored further questions and examined what seemed to be a window boarded up with brick.
“Yup, this is it,” confirmed Tierney.
“What’s what?” asked a sing-songy voice.
Trevor looked away from the building as Stacey Amesley, Fashionista Extraordinaire, clicked down the sidewalk in couture stilettoes, dressed like a model fresh off a fashion shoot. Her cherry-red manicure brushed blond wavy hair from her eyes. Overhead lighting from the warehouse shone upon her like a spotlight. Trevor dropped his map and swooned.
Tierney clucked her tongue and picked up the blueprint, then smacked her brother’s arm. “Wake up, genius!”
He was still transfixed on Stacey, who smiled brightly, then she turned her nose up at Burner.
“Hi, baby,” the quarterback waved sheepishly.
“Eat a bag of dicks,” said Stacey.
“Aw, come on, babe. You’re not still mad? I promise, that was innocent flirting!”
Tierney smirked as she felt the mortar for a way into the secret passage. “I’m gonna go with Stacey’s recommendation, Burner. No need to even know any further details about what you did.”
“Hi, Stacey,” said Trevor, shyly. “You look really pretty.”
She walked over to him and took his arm, lifting her chin at Burner. “Thanks. Shall we head over to the bonfire? Or would you prefer somewhere else?”
Trevor’s eyes went painfully wide. “Um, uh, I-I-uh…”
“Seriously?” cried Tierney. “I’m totally doing this alone?” She slammed the window-wall with her flashlight and everything began to give way.
“Whoa,” said Burner.
Stacey let go of Trevor’s arm. “What’s happening?”
“Yes, WHOO!” said Tierney. “Well, you boneheads can go to the bonfire; I’m gonna explore!” She pushed a few more bricks out of the way and climbed inside.
And despite Stacey’s allure, Trevor’s curiosity was piqued once more. “I’m coming with!”
Burner shrugged his shoulders at Stacey and followed Trevor. Stacey huffed, walked a few steps, then turned around and hiked her black faux-leather skirt slightly so she could manoeuvre through the entrance.
“Hey!” she shouted. “It’s really dark in here!”
“Yeah, I kinda broke my flashlight when I wacked the wall,” shouted Tierney.
“Shouldn’t we find the light switch?” she said, feeling her way around as her eyes adjusted.
“We’re four white kids in an abandoned warehouse. If we turned on the lights, that would be far too logical!”
The teens paused for a moment to let Stacey join them, then wandered the dark vast room, crowded with crates, machines, and assorted junk.
“So, what are we looking for?” asked Burner.
“A ghost,” said Trevor.
“A what?” asked Stacey.
“A ghost. Someone in the factory severed their head on the assembly line, and they were totally pissed about dying. We’re here to see if this place is really haunted.”
Burner made a face. “How can you lose your head that way? Don’t they have failsafe crap?”
“Exactly,” said Tierney. “Had to be foul play.”
“It had to be,” echoed Trevor, “but rumour says the eldest son was the perp of the decapitation. Jealous of his adopted brother, who was better at running things. So, bio brother killed him off to make sure Daddy didn’t make baby brother the heir instead.”
Tierney put down her backpack and began setting up some special cameras. “And we’re gonna capture everything on film when the ghost appears.”
But, before she could finish, every warehouse illuminated with light, making the teens cry out. Whirring machines caused a cacophony, and when they could open their eyes again, the gang noticed a hovering headless figure in tattered clothing, arms badly decomposed.
“Um, or maybe we won’t,” said Tierney.
At that, and the paranormal screeches that followed, all four adolescents re-abandoned the building, leaving behind a lone shoe, a ludicrously expensive stiletto.
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate who wants everyone to be wise and think of others as we battle COVID-19!
She’s also the author of Life in the ’Cosmand The Stealth Lovers. When Cait’s not writing, she’s editing manuscripts and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also teamed up with Kohenet Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the Nothing Without Us anthology (a 2020 Prix Aurora Award finalist for Best Related Work) in an attempt to take over the world.
Before the pandemic started (and my brain could words), I really enjoyed participating in Twitter writers chats. They’re pretty fun. Often, the first question asked is our name and the genre we write in. I almost always write something like this:
Hi, I’m Cait (like cat). I’m a humorist who writes space opera with aliens and dessert…
And this is true. I identify as a humorist who primarily uses the genre of space opera as her vehicle for writing adventures for my aliens. In my short fiction, however, I write in many genres. I discovered I could actually do this when invited to participate in ’Nathan Burgoine’s flash fiction challenge in 2018. He noted how humour gets injected into all my stories, regardless of the genre.
While I love being fun, I don’t always write lighthearted stuff. I am Irish by citizenship and culture, and I think I’ve adopted the tradition of exploring serious themes while weaving humour into the plotlines. Also, my young autistic brain growing up was always drawn to comedians and hilarious characters in fiction. Snark hooked me right in. I read MAD magazine religiously and repeatedly.
During my life, I’ve been confronted with pretty difficult trials. Humour has always been a way to help me gain power during a struggle, to lift myself out of the trenches, and/or to overcome gaslighting and ableism.
This is reflected in my writing as well. While I love when people say they have laughed heartily at the comedic elements in my work, I feel especially good when readers also notice that humour is not the only element there.
Life is full of nuance.
Even when I read works that aren’t my own, like the stories in the Nothing Without Usanthology, I don’t consider that collection something to be labelled under Humour, even though several stories use humour really well. Because I’m immersed in disabled and autistic culture, I know how strong a role humour plays in our daily lives. For some of us, it keeps us from head-desking into another dimension.
What I find to be a crying shame is when those of us who are humour authors are typecast as “vacuous.” I don’t know how many times people have thought I’m not serious enough. Could write music to it, really, and call the album: Do Your Feet Hurt When You Jump to Conclusions? When I think about all the hardships I have survived in my life, I know I can feel as serious as a stroke. Even to this day, I manage situational depression and anxiety. I also have to deal with pain 24/7. And don’t get me started about being autistic around neurotypical perceptions. Eeesh.
And I’m not alone. How many times have we noticed comedians who have admitted they deal with mental health challenges? They live with it perhaps daily in some cases and are still so bloody funny. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me humour doesn’t cure, but it lessens the sting so I can face hardships and get the help I need. It’s a respite. When I can laugh, even using twisted humour with my BFF who gets me and won’t make The Face™, then I know I’ll eventually be okay.
In my book The Stealth Lovers, Xax is reflective of me, in a way. He’s always got a quip or funny remark at hand. But when a longtime life goal of having a family gets quashed, two souls call him out. They tell him his humour is his greatest asset, but he shouldn’t use it against himself. I wrote that to remind me (and perhaps others like Xax and I) to reach out when in pain and not cover it up with jokes. Xax is probably my funniest character. Or least he’s the most fun to write. But he’s not one dimensional. Humorous people rarely are.
I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this post. Maybe I just wanna share how I feel about my fellow comedic authors. Maybe I just want to let colleagues know not to make us into living tropes. There’s more to us than the ha-ha-ha.
We might be funny because things have been far too serious for us.
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate who wants everyone to be wise and prevent the spread of COVID-19!
Author’s note: This is my flash fiction for July’s entry of the 2020 Flash Fiction Challenge. Each month of 2020, on the first Monday, I’ll draw cards to determine the genre, setting, and an object that has to appear in the short story. Participants will have until the following Monday to link their stories to the blog post I put out each month. Then I’ll do a follow-up post and share the stories that have come in (before the deadline). It’s only for fun and non-competitive.
July’s draw results: (Genre) epistolary, (setting) a car dealership, and (object) a brick. I might have taken a little licence with “Brick” in this story.
Hope you enjoy my entry: A Brick in the Bug
To: mtremblay @ frugalrides . comFrom: silverandfeisty @ narnia . com
Dear M. Tremblay,
Last Wednesday, I brought my vintage orange Volkwagon bug to your dealership on recommendation of a friend, who had said the service at Frugal Rides was excellent. She mentioned a Mr. Jones, who understood the model of my car exceptionally well. Unfortunately, it turns out that Mr. Jones was not available, and I was disappointed in that alone. Instead, the mechanic assigned to my precious vehicle was some colossal man named Brick. While I told myself it was possible this Brick person might be a gentle giant at heart, it turns out that a drunken bull in a china shop might have exhibited more poise. Not only did this hoolighan not repair my car, but he also spoke to me in such a profane manner, I'm sure the only words not vulgar were the and you know. Also, he referred to me as Toots on occasion. I can assure you, I am not now nor have I ever been somebody's Toots. Even in intimate moments, I have only accepted darling and beloved. But that's neither here nor there. What I really want is for you to pay for his mistakes. I mean, with regards to fixing my Volskwagon. As for his demenour, I'm sure there's not a charm school in all of the world who can put Brick's mannerisms in even close to human order. I've watched gorillas in cages with better etiquette, frankly.
Anyway, I expect a discount on my current bill and for any further repairs to be free of charge.
Sincerely,
Ms. Mabel Bellamy
To: silverandfeisty @ narnia . comFrom: mtremblay @ frugalrides . com
Dear Ms. Bellamy,
Thank you for your letter and for bringing this to my attention. Unfortunately, we are living in the time of COVID-19, and because of his high-risk factors, Mr. Jones decided on early retirement. So, I cannot assign him to assess and repair your vehicle.
I have spoken to Brick (this is the name he goes by and it's much easier to accept it than listen to the tirade that follows whenever we call him by his proper name). He remembered you, and while I scolded him for referring to you as anything other than Ms. Bellamy, he smiled and told me he thought you were a pistol and asked if you were single. Again, I informed him this was not at all appropriate.
However, he was surprised to discover that your car was not working well, and will be happy to give it another look. Of course, we will not charge you for further repairs, and we can negotiate a discount for the original work. The only thing is that we cannot refund you the extra pandemic charge, as we require our staff to be properly attired to protect themselves from each other and the general public. I'm sure you understand this.
Please let us know how you wish to proceed.
Sincerely,
Mic Tremblay
To: mtremblay @ frugalrides . comFrom: silverandfeisty @ narnia . com
M. Tremblay,
While I understand and accept the charge related to personal protective equipment and do not wish to argue that point, I think I would rather have my eyebrows burnt off with a blow torch than to have that crass leviathan near me or my automobile. I deserve far more of an apology than what I've been presented with so far. And I insist upon another mechanic. Frankly, with his conduct, I'm surprised nobody before has tossed that Brick through a window.
Most sincerely,
Mabel Bellamy
To: silverandfeisty @ narnia . comFrom: mtremblay @ frugalrides . com
Ms. Bellamy,
I accept your frustration but take exception to the violent metaphor in your last email. However, I read it to Brick and he laughed good-naturedly, then said something else about being thrown about that's not worth repeating.
He did mention that he's willing to do whatever it takes to get your vehicle in better than new working order. He will also personally apologize for his behaviour.
Again, please let me know how you wish to proceed.
Mic Trembay
To: mtremblay @ frugalrides . comFrom: silverandfeisty @ narnia . com
M. Tremblay,
I was incensed to receive this in my Inbox:
Quoted text:My darling beloved (much better than Toots, eh?) I'm sorry for your car troubles. I might have been distracted by your silver-and-feisty self. Let me bring out my big tool and get your bug purring like a cougar in heat.
~ Brick
I see that I'll have to take matters into my own hands.
Mabel
To: silverandfeisty @ narnia . comFrom: mtremblay @ frugalrides . com
Ms. Bellamy,
Brick assures me that he will not press charges, and for some reason is still impressed by your spirit. But I myself am shocked and appalled that a woman of your age would attempt to run over my mechanic, with the intention of pinning him to a cinder block wall while blasting classic rock lyrics about being just another brick in said wall. If it weren't for the fact that he so poorly repaired your car, the vehicle would never have stopped in time. You could have killed him and yourself!
We will send you the bill for the original charges in lieu of pursuing a lawsuit. I expect payment upon receipt.
M. Tremblay
To: mtremblay @ frugalrides . comFrom: silverandfeisty @ narnia . com
I sent the e-transfer to the email address you provided.
Mabel
P.S. Worth it.
I like making people laugh—it’s my thing and has been ever since I was a little girl. It was an easy decision to make my “brand” about being a humorous weirdo because IT ME! Humour has always served me well, whether I’m weeping from laughter at comedies and comedians, coping with dire situations, or just trying to dole out giggles to those who need them. (The other day I was encouraging author S.M. Carrière to embrace her awesome by saying, “It’s not arrogance if it’s true!” She’s got such a hearty laugh, and it’s hard for me not to provoke it!)
Absurdist humour is my absolute fave because the more ridiculous a notion, the more it’ll make me howl. And when you merge absurdity with cheekiness, you get things like “wibbly wobbly timey wimey,” which is an ingenious way to dodge flawed scientific theories and give us a catchline that we adore. Thanks, Doctor Who!
Humour calms and deflects stress, too. When I thought I might have breast cancer at 32, I was petrified as I awaited the results. That was when my husband gave me a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. With trembling hands, I opened the book. Bet you could hear me laughing all the way into the main waiting room. The funny can be magic at times. And when years later, a beta reader told me they were in stitches at the hospital from reading Life in the ’Cosm, I felt I’d paid it forward.
The only problem with being known for the funny, is people might forget I’m also human and possess all the emotions. Sometimes I’m terribly blue, and other times I’m supremely pissed off. Lately, frustration and anger have been a thing. I blogged about what’s been bothering me in Calling for a Disbanding of Cliques and the Culture of Fear. Man, I hate reading about people being pushed around, harassed, and worse. The empathy goes to 11 from triggering my own stuff, then I just want to call out the crap and stand up for those who’ve come forward.
My social media posts haven’t been all sunshine and roses and silliness for a few weeks. I’m trying to get back there, even for my own mental health, but it’s been rough. The Canadian Speculative Fiction ‘cosm looks different to me now, and I’m trying really hard to find the pockets of people who are inclusive, welcoming, and encouraging folks. Because right now, my perception is that it’s a gaslighting mess. Hopefully, my opinion will change, as I have been seeing some people forming new reading series and cons. Perhaps other people will never see past their own privilege, but there will be those who do and who care.
So, anyway, I’m recovering from exhaustion these days. My number one priority is to get back to Regular Crappy Fibro levels. When my energy returns, I’ll continue writing in my favourite genre: Silly. I’m also trying to remember this has been a special year for me, publishing-wise: The Stealth Lovers, Nothing Without Us, and Space Opera Libretti (coming Dec 2019) actually happened! TSL is full of adventure and zaniness, NWU‘s authors also embrace The Snark at times, and my story (The Silken Eclipse) in Space Opera Libretti is pretty darned wacky. This is what I do, I live for humour and encourage it in others.
Just remember that sometimes I might be ticked. Even supremely ticked. But I’ll always come back to the laughter. It’s too much a part of who I am.
Now then, what do we do when wanting to battle against the ugly in this life? That’s right, we:
RELEASE THE OTTERS!
Bunch of water sausages on a beach, being frisky and adorbz.
Cait Gordon
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate and the author of Life in the ’Cosmand The Stealth Lovers. When she’s not writing, Cait’s editing manuscripts and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also teamed up with Kohenet Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the Nothing Without Us anthology in an attempt to take over the world. Narf.
So, in late 2018, I saw a call for non-dystopian, comedic short stories in the space opera genre that involve music. The anthology name: Space Opera Libretti. My eyes perked, and I immediately knew I wanted to write for this.
I love classic literature, which is probably why there’s an Austen-esque ball scene in the middle of my military space adventure, The Stealth Lovers. For this anthology, I got to merge my two favourite things: absurdist space opera with a classical ambience. And so, I wrote about an opera company full of quirky aliens. Yes, that’s right, The Silken Eclipse is a space opera about opera…innnnn spaaaaace!
It’s been wonderful to work with Jennifer Lee Rossman (whose story, Names, happens to be in Nothing Without Us) and Brian McNett. These are such wonderful humans, I’d love to submit stories to them again. You can follow Brian and Jennifer on the Twitter, too (@b_mcnett and @JenLRossman)!
And now, here’s a glimpse at the “almost-final” cover reveal!
Space Opera Libretti, featuring: K.G. Anderson, Tom Barlow, EDE Bell, Dean Brink, Minerva Cerridwen, Dave D’Alessio, Liz Donnelly, James Dorr, Ingrid Garcia, Jean Graham, me, Larry Hodges, Julia Huni, Alex Kropf, Brian McNett, Bruce Taylor, Harry Turtledove, Jennifer Lee Rossman, Dawn Vogel, Spruce Wells
As of today, the expected release date is mid-December. I’ll keep you posted when I know more. I can’t wait to read all of the stories!
Cait Gordon
Cait Gordon is a disability advocate and the author of Life in the ’Cosmand The Stealth Lovers. When she’s not writing, Cait’s editing manuscripts and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also teamed up with Kohenet Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the Nothing Without Us anthology in an attempt to take over the world. Narf.
Cait Gordon—author and editor 