What the hay? I’ll write about the thirteenth Doctor Who, too.

Personally, I prefer to be called a Whooligan instead of a Whovian. If you knew me, you’d feel that made more sense. Anyway, while I’m a bit behind on catching up with my twelfth Doctor episodes, I did see the regeneration from twelve to thirteen.

My reaction on Facebook was something like:

The new Doctor is a woman. Cue the precious princes.

You see, I tend to call men with particularly fragile masculinity “precious princes.” They’re the ones who whinge and go mad about women taking over everything and ruining it—with our mere existence, I reckon. I don’t know. I just breast boobily throughout life, titting about the place, really. (Yes, this last sentence was based on one of my favourite memes about how men write female characters.)

At the announcement of Thirteen, Twitter exploded. One creative soul turned some negative comments from The Daily Mail into possible episode titles.

Instead of feeling angry, because let’s face it, this petty outrage from men is so overdone, I fell in love with TechnicallyRon’s clever tweet, particularly with A TARDIS FULL OF BRAS. That hit me where I lived as the most awesome display of feminism that could possibly exist in WhoLand.

I created this meme:

allthebras

What I would give for a giant TARDIS at a con where women everywhere could hang up bras! I wonder if there is a charitable organisation that takes bras and gives them to women in need. Hm. I would love to turn this into something altruistic and geeky at the same time. We fill a TARDIS with brand-new bras, take a photo for posterity, and then donate the bras to charity.

I must ponder this. Seriously. I’ll give it a good think. I know con-organising people!

As for the Doctor being a woman, like one person said on social media, imagine an episode where River Song meets her timelady spouse! GASP! Won’t somebody think of the children??? Someone should think about them. Children are cool when it comes to these things. Adults are the ones who tend to be stupid at times.

Anyway, watch Doctor Who. It’s fun, has bitchin’ theme music, and now comes with moar bras!

Yeah, I knew I couldn’t be too deep or upset about this. Being a woman, I’m used to women doing things. We’re like that. We do lots of different things. It’s not that shocking to us. For some reason it’s upsetting to certain men, but us? Nah.

We could so do time travel. In a time machine full of bras. We so could.

I used to write manuals for the different systems of flight simulators, in an aerospace company. I think I could navigate a little blue box.

/cg

CGAuthorCait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Networka blog that solely features writers who manage disabilities and/or chronic illness.

I’ll be at Ottawa Comiccon 2017

Look for me at the Renaissance table on Friday May 12, 2017 at Ottawa Comiccon, from 1-5 pm, selling Life in the ’Cosm and other awesome books. I’ll be floating around all weekend, too. Follow my Instagram to see what I’m up to! So stoked!

/cg


Hannah

Cait Gordon is author of Life in the ’Cosm, a story about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague. She is also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network, a blog featuring writers with disabilities and/or chronic illness. In her spare time Cait plays drums, reads, plots to take over the world with The Brain, and eats an absurd amount of cupcakes.

Are you genre non-binary?

That’s not a typo in the title of this post. This term is the ingenious brainchild of my best friend, educator and activist for transgender rights, Talia C. Johnson. (Btw, her blog is brilliant, so follow it!)

Yesterday I finished the first draft of my third and final short story for the winter-spring anthology season. After re-reading what I’d written, I felt I faced a dilemma. Because I constantly straddle the comedy and sci-fi genres, I told Talia I didn’t know whether to submit to an anthology for comedy writers or science fiction writers. This was our Facebook chat:

Me> I can’t figure out whether I should send it to the humour anthology or the sci-fi anthology about optimism.

Talia> Short story?

Me> Yeah. The sci-fi people might think it’s not sci-fi enough and the humour people might say it’s too sci-fi.

Talia> Damn it! It’s genre non-binary!

Me> IT IS!

Talia> Genrefluid.

Me> OMIGOSH! This is a thing!

You must understand that Talia and I discuss gender topics almost daily, and she is my prime consultant for vetting gender-amazing characters and content in my writing. I’ll send her scenes from my book or short stories in a panic and say, “Is it OKAY???” (Yes, I’m that cishet person who is terrified of offending.  Don’t worry; I’m growing.) My fear of screwing up gender-fabulous peeps never comes to fruition as Talia says, “It’s fine. It’s fine. Just have fun with it. It’s sci-fi. You’re not an asshat.”

But yesterday when she said my work was genrefluid, I nearly died of laughter. It’s probably the best way to describe a writer who isn’t fully immersed in one genre. My space opera, Life in the ‘Cosm, can fall into humour, romance, and sci-fi categories. No, it’s not ‘hard sci-fi’, as some put it, but to those who don’t read that genre, it feels sci-fi to them. One person saw the cover and said, “I don’t like sci-fi, and when I explained some of the content, they got all excited. (It also doesn’t hurt that the book also has a lot of cake in it. Desserts are the universal language of love.)

I’m not surprised that I’m fluid in this way. In my life I’m never really strapped to one thing. I’m not exclusively a writer. I’m also a musician and have been for decades. I’m mad about crafting and this has recently ventured into designing costumes for cosplay. I’m a techno geek and web developer. My friends are also diverse as all out. My Google playlist ranges from awesome to don’t judge me. My gender expression can be interpreted as fluid. And I don’t even have a favourite colour. All the colours are my favourite. I think colour, period, is my favourite.

nonbinaryblogI happen to like writing life experiences through aliens instead of humans. It ties into my personal theory that if life exists on other planets, there’s gotta be some poor slob who hates his job. With space opera, I can be serious and hilarious at the same time. I also get to create different races and choose their skin or fur or scales and colour them in like in a colouring book in my mind. I can have them fall in love or be clumsy in relationships. I don’t believe every ‘alien’ is a technology wiz or a military hero. Sometimes he’s a shy chubby guy who really likes cupcakes.

Being genrefluid might turn other authors’ noses up at me, or they might turn toward me in solidarity. Whatever others might think, I like writing what comes to my imagination and going on a journey with my characters. I don’t want to feel any constraints with genre. I want to have a blast.

So far this genre non-binary writing is my jam. Coincidentally it also includes gender non-binary peeps, because the spectrum of gender is a real thing, too, and I love going beyond the cisgender scope.

Anyway, if you’re fluid between genres, too, you have a fellow author who gets you, and will probably want to read your stuff. Writing to me is like cooking; it’s more appetising when you don’t follow the recipe.

Although I still can’t get my mind around the pineapple pizza thing. I mean, I truly can’t.

/cg

CGAuthorCait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.

 

I smell like two people! Or, how I write sex scenes.

Relax, all you authors and writers of erotica; your jobs are safe. Nobody will accuse me anytime soon of trying to steal your thunder. Not by a long shot.

This week I confessed to my publisher that no matter what genre I try to write in, everything comes out silly. I said, “I think my genre is Silly.” My publisher feels it’s a perfectly acceptable genre. I like this person.

bowchikawowowBecause I love writing with humour, I just had to extend it to our most vulnerable space–the bedroom. While sexual activity can be mind-blowing and magical and filled with fireworks, sometimes the clunkiness of life and the quirks of people can take it to a different place. A ridiculous place, really. I know in my life some of my biggest laughs with my spouse have been in bed, when things haven’t gone to plan. Yet, those odd, imperfect moments always created a deeper intimacy between us. Made everything a bit more real, and somehow a bit more perfect.

If you’ve not read Life in the ’Cosm, then warning, spoilerishy things are imminent

As most of the book was a stream of consciousness, I didn’t limit where I went in my writing. I got the first two chapters down, and then opened chapter three with:

Self-gratification was not an easy task in the flat.

Okay, so we’re going with masturbation in this scene, I thought, refusing to delete what I’d written. It made sense. My protagonist had been longing for someone he literally couldn’t have and the poor guy was ready to explode. I gave Virj some release, but not without adding a little mortification to the mix. (You never know where Splot is slithering, or when Sonny will barge in with breakfast questions.) A beta-reader loved that scene and told me they could totally relate to Virj’s embarrassment.

Later on in the book, there’s that infamous moment when you’ve had too much to drink and only just realised you’ve slept with someone but have no memory of it:

She paused again, frowned, lifted the sheets over her head, and inhaled deeply. Then she screamed on top of her lungs.

“I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE! WHY DO I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE?”

A valid question. We all know our personal perfumes, so when a foreign scent is blended with ours, we’d obviously like some answers. In my life, I’ve often said after a passionate tryst with my beloved, “Gee, it smells like two people who love each other.” Because doods, it truly does smell like two people! Amirite???

Also, sometimes there’s that gloppy sensation:

She shifted her position and immediately pulled a face. “Ew, I’m so goopy down there. When did you last masturbate, in your teens?”

Again, a valid question, if you cannae remember anything from the night before. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I loved adding the awkward things about sexual activity. It made me laugh, and I think it made my readers laugh, too. We can relate to the embarrassing, smelly, and goopy side of sex because that’s often what it’s actually like. Not every sexual encounter is a well-choreographed dance that ends in simultaneous orgasm. The films might want to have us believe that, but I think we writers need to tell the other side of it from time to time. We need less, “She was enthralled by his throbbing love-wand,” and more of, “OWWW! Get off my hair!”

Or is it just me?

Watching people work through those clumsy moments makes them more endearing to me as a reader, too. I don’t want to roll my eyes at the sexually unattainable. I want to laugh with empathy. I want to say, “Oh, heck, yes, I totally get it.” I want to see the sexy in the awkward, because people are still desirable when they’re goofing up. Maybe more so than when they’re suave, in my opinion. I want to make love to a real person, not a robot.

Unless it’s a cute and clumsy robot who blushes and reads poetry. I’d have to mull that one over.

Anyway, here’s to klutzy sex! Sláinte! (Raises cupcake in a toast.)

/cg

CGAuthorCait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance Press). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.

 

Beyond the cupcake.

If you don’t know me, then you might not grasp how shocking the title of this post is. Anyone who’s encountered me on social media or in real life knows that I love cupcakes. My erotic fantasy is Ewan McGregor giving me a come hither look while holding up a tray of assorted gluten-free, vegan fairy cakes. (He can even walk away and leave the tray of cakes, really.)

But as much as I love icing, there’s more to me and my writing than that.

Life in the ’Cosm: not just cake in space

When you write a book you’re also tasked with some self-promotion. I normally would add this tagline: Life in the ’Cosm, a story about love, adventure, and dessert. Or, I’d call it a comedy sci-fi with an unusual amount of cake. beyond-the-cupcake

While my book is funny (I know this because people have told me), and my protagonist Virj Ofreesin loves eating sweets, the story goes beyond the cupcake. Even though every character is made up, a lot of different feelings I had went into the book.

Because I hadn’t planned to get published originally, I wrote without limits or expecting anyone to read it. So, I went down a few roads that I wanted to explore:

  • Discrimination against LGBTQIA people by para-religious organisations.
  • Truly gracious spirituality versus religiosity.
  • Gender fluidity and changing preconceived gender roles.
  • Diversity in sexuality.
  • Dealing with disability.
  • Cyber affairs.
  • Chasing fantasy to the exclusion of those who truly love you.

If you haven’t read the book, you’re probably thinking, This is a comedy? If life has taught me anything, it’s that even during the heaviest and deepest moments, something happens that makes me laugh. My darkest moments also have included some of the funniest memories. I think seeing the humorous side of things has kept me alive.

Warning: an expressive extrovert lives here

Writer Amy M. Young called me an extroverted tornado, but she admits that I am extremely introvert-friendly. So, I have that going for me. Whoot!

While I like to talk about cake and can do it forever and ever and ever, I will get passionate about issues that matter to me. One of the reasons my writing includes characters who are gender-amazing and/or are more than cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) is because the majority of my close friends can claim one or several letters in the LGBTQIA acronym. What they endure matters to me, and even though I’m cishet myself, I really want to include gender and sexual diversity in my books. To me, it’s a reflection of real life.

Because I also manage a disability, it was important to me to include a character in Life in the ’Cosm who deals with one, too. She is also feisty to a fault, and robustly sexually active. You know what? We who live with disabilities like sex. Yet, it’s often thought that it’s taboo to think of us that way. (See my post in the Spoonie Authors Network blog called, Sexy and disabled: yes, you can be both!).

So, I often use my creative writing, non-fiction blogs, and social media statuses to discuss my viewpoints in these areas.

(Btw, if you’re wondering why I didn’t include people of colour as part of my creative writing, it’s only because almost every single character is a different colour from each other. In real life, I am very pro ethnic and racial diversity. Heck, I grew up in Montreal, Quebec. It was like having the whole world in one city!)

So, yeah, and stuff like that.

Anyway, just wanted to share a wee bit o’ insight into my own character. But please do not interpret this as my putting cupcakes as a lower priority in my life. I can love people and be an activist and an author while eating dessert, too. I can multitask, you know.

Hm. This post’s made me hungry. I think I need to merge some ingredients now.

Later, peeps!

/cg

CGAuthorCait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance Press). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.