ID: Blue space background with streaks of light and stars. Text reads: Can-Con, October 12-14 2018, Sheraton Hotel, Ottawa, Canada.

I’ll be at Can-Con 2018!

On 20 Sep 201829 Dec 2018 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Cons, This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

It’s getting close to that time when my favourite annual conference happens! I’ll be doing a reading and will sit on two panels this year at The Conference on Canadian Content in Speculative Arts and Literature, also known as Can-Con. Their 2018 schedule looks really interesting, too!

Can-Con 2018 will be held from October 12-14, 2018 at the Sheraton Hotel, Ottawa, Canada. See Can-Con’s website for more info!

I love Can-Con because I not only get to spend time with author buds who live elsewhere, and it’s like a great big family reunion (that doesn’t suck), but I also get to meet more people. It’s such a great place to learn about writing, publishing, own-voice perspectives, and more. There’s also a pretty awesome vendors room, too, where you can buy books and get them signed. They even have pitch sessions with agents and publishers!

I’ll always hold Can-Con in a special place in my heart because that’s where I met my first book (Life in the ’Cosm) in person for the first time! It made its debut on the Renaissance table that year! And I gave my very first public reading at Can-Con, too! Good times.

Can-Con 2016 was also where I noticed a lot of writers who used mobility devices, and it got me thinking, These are only the disabilities I can see. I bet there are more folks who manage invisible disabilities. And two months later, I launched The Spoonie Authors Network. (It’ll be two years old this November!)

Wanna listen to me or meet me?

I’ll be around most of the conference, but here is where you can listen to me read or talk about stuff on panels:

Always refer to the Can-Con website for the latest schedule!

Friday October 12, 2018—Alice Unbound Readings (5:00-5:50 p.m.)

Join me and authors Geoff Gander, Kate Heartfield, Elizabeth Hosang, Dominik Parisien, and Andrew A. Sutherland to listen to excerpts of our short stories from the Alice Unbound Beyond Wonderland anthology!

Saturday October 13, 2018—So We Should Talk: Critiquing Without Bloodshed (6:00-6:50 p.m.)

I’ll have my editing hat on and so will my BFF, Talia. With us both on the same panel, what could possibly go wrong? *cough*

Can-Con’s Panel Description:

It might be up there with getting a root canal or sleeping in a room full of spiders, but critiques can be essential to the writing process. A well-delivered critique leads to a much-improved manuscript. This panel explores how to deliver criticism in a constructive way, and how to find people to give you that necessary root canal. Anita Dolman, Cait Gordon, Talia C. Johnson, Douglas Smith, Costi Gurgu (Moderator).

Sunday October 14, 2018—Frankenstein, an Assemblage of Flesh (12:00-12:30 p.m.)

I’m giddy with excitement as I am such a huge fangirl of Mary Shelley and love Frankenstein, or, The Modern Prometheus to bits. (My short story, The Hilltop Gathering will be in the We Shall Be Monsters anthology, edited by Derek Newman-Stille!)

Can-Con’s Panel Description:

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is celebrating its 200th anniversary. The monster is the ultimate outsider, rejected from humanity at every encounter; it is a sewn together assemblage of flesh, a quilted mosaic of bodies, and this integration of parts allows it to be a figure who is read to be multi-gendered, multi-racial, multi-sexual, and multi-ethnic. Panelists will explore the multiple adaptations and re-imaginings that have made Mary Shelley’s creation so changeable and so continually relevant to our society and the way we think about marginalized people. JF Garrard, Cait Gordon, Derek Newman-Stille, Caighlan Smith, Sean Moreland (Moderator)

Hope to see you there!

It’s really such a blast. If you’re coming, I hope we run into each other!

Cait Gordon is the author of Life in the ’Cosm, a story about a little green guy who’s on a quest to save half the person he loves. Cait has recently submitted the prequel to ’Cosm called The Stealth Lovers, a military space opera about legendary warriors Xaxall Knightly and Vivoxx Tirowen. When she’s not writing, she’s editing manuscripts for indie authors and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also really likes cake.

ID: Space background with a celestial nebula. Text reads: tear space a new one

Announcement: New WIP

On 16 Aug 201829 Dec 2018 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

Me: I need to finish the first draft of Life in Another ’Cosm!

Also me: But this other idea is an opportunity to clobber space opera with disabled characters!

Inspired by Derek Newman-Stille of Speculating Canada fame, I’ve decided to take his recommendation and turn a short story of mine into a novel. This will be my first space opera where disabled characters dominate the story.

So, this will be my NaNoWriMo project for November 2018. I think it will be fun, and I’m looking forward to diving in.

Follow me on social media and this blog for updates!

Also-also me: EEEEK! Can I do the thing?

(I’m gonna try to do the thing.)

Back from staycay!

On 16 Jul 201812 Aug 2018 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Just stuff, WritingLeave a comment

I had a lovely two weeks off, relaxing with the husband unit during our stay-cation. So much dessert, so much retail therapy. Good times.

But now STUFF is about to happen. Because of my super-amazing beta readers from heaven, I received all the comments, and I’m ready to roll with preparing the submission draft of The Stealth Lovers. How is this possible? I only began writing the first lines in October 2017! Never thought I could do that. I figured writing books this quickly was for all the other authory people out there.

The Stealth Lovers got praise indeed from my beta readers, which made my life! I always felt I needed to take Xax and Viv beyond what we know of them in Life in the ‘Cosm, and writing their origin story was a wild ride. I just love those guys.

I’m still on schedule to submit my manuscript in August-September of this year. Holy moly! This is happening. BOOK TWO OF MY CAREER IS IMMINENT!

In the meantime, if you’ve read Life in the ‘Cosm, thank you! Please consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads and telling your friends about the book! If you haven’t read it yet, you can buy it through Amazon, Barnes & Noble , and my publisher, Re naissance. (Ask Renaissance about getting a signed copy, too!) Okay, this has been the shameless promo part of this post; however, if you’re curious about reading The Stealth Lovers, then you might want to read Life in the ‘Cosm first, since TSL is a prequel. (But hey, you do you and read them in whichever order makes you smile.)

And in case I’ve not said it lately, thanks to all my readers! Your support is so very much appreciated. MWAH!

Cait Gordon is the author of Life in the ’Cosm, a story about a little green guy who’s on an adventure to save half the person he loves. Cait is currently working on a prequel to ’Cosm called The Stealth Lovers, a military space opera. When she’s not writing, she’s editing manuscripts for indie authors and running The Spoonie Authors Network, a blog whose contributors are writers who manage disabilities and/or chronic conditions. She also really likes cake
.

Eight days into NaNoWriMo, and I’m okay, folks!

On 8 Nov 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Fibro, This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

In the words of a famous fable: Slow and steady wins the race. If that’s true, then call me the Tortoise of NaNoWriMo. Through the use of my mathematical genius, I calculated that I need to write 1670 words a day to reach just over the 50K marker for the National Novel Writing Month’s finish line. Well, it’s also what I wanted to limit myself to so I wouldn’t hurt myself physically.

Because I’m a spoonie, I decided to take on NaNoWriMo in my own terms. This is how I decided I’d “win” the thing. For me, winning means:

I reconnected with my love for writing novel-length manuscripts.
I discovered what a comfortable daily word count feels like.

And you know what? I’ve already achieved these things, so in my mind, I am done, and the rest is just bonus!

I also found out I love writing first thing in the morning, in my kitchen, by the patio doors, with my tea and breakfast. It’s so nice to have that totally self-indulgent time. I’m not thinking about my editing job (I’ve put it on hold this month), house chores, any personal crises or whatnot—I’m totally having me time with my characters. It’s wonderful. And great for my mental health!

My NaNoWriMo project is a prequel to Life in the ’Cosm called The Stealth Lovers. It’s the story of Xaxall Knightly and Vivoxx Tirowen, two legendary Draga warriors, and the story begins long before they would become legends. In ’Cosm, these men are 48 years old. In Part 1 of The Stealth Lovers, they’re 19. Without giving away anything, I must say I’ve laughed myself into coughing fits over some of the things that come out of Xax’s mouth. He might have channelled a combination of Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire and Laura Wingfield from The Glass Menagerie at one point.

I’ve received many warnings from caring friends about trying NaNoWriMo because of my disability, and I’ve taken them seriously. This is why I’m not doing any heroic binges. I need to keep the neuropathy calm in my hands. I’m only writing this blog today because I felt inspired to add more words to my story yesterday evening, so today is almost like a day off.

If I reach 50K words, that will be cool, but I’m still not thinking about that. I’m treating every morning like NaNoWriMo only lasts one day. The moment I feel too much pain or it stops being fun, I’ll stop.

As I said, I’ve already hit my personal goals for this exercise. For now, I’ll keep writing at least 1670 words, as long as it feels comfortable (I have gone over but I don’t know how long that will last). We’ll see what’s what as the days pass. In the meantime, I’m having a ball, and look forward to writing when I wake up each morning.

The only thing about NaNoWriMo is that I can’t edit my work the way I’d normally do, because of the unique contest that it is. I’m just mapping out the story in that “crappy first draft way.” That’s not necessarily bad, because I can’t overthink anything, and must continue writing the story. So far, I’m close to 16K words. I know. I’m surprised at myself, too.

Anyway, stay tooned for moar updates of this wild ride I’ve thrown myself onto like a woman who’s lost all sense!

And to those writing for NaNoWriMo, may the words be ever in your favour!

What the hay? I’ll write about the thirteenth Doctor Who, too.

On 19 Jul 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Movie and shows, Random stuff, This blog's posts2 Comments

Personally, I prefer to be called a Whooligan instead of a Whovian. If you knew me, you’d feel that made more sense. Anyway, while I’m a bit behind on catching up with my twelfth Doctor episodes, I did see the regeneration from twelve to thirteen.

My reaction on Facebook was something like:

The new Doctor is a woman. Cue the precious princes.

You see, I tend to call men with particularly fragile masculinity “precious princes.” They’re the ones who whinge and go mad about women taking over everything and ruining it—with our mere existence, I reckon. I don’t know. I just breast boobily throughout life, titting about the place, really. (Yes, this last sentence was based on one of my favourite memes about how men write female characters.)

At the announcement of Thirteen, Twitter exploded. One creative soul turned some negative comments from The Daily Mail into possible episode titles.

I took Daily Mail comments from people angry about a possible Female Dr Who and turned them into episode titles for the new series pic.twitter.com/k586EeVpld

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 15, 2017

Instead of feeling angry, because let’s face it, this petty outrage from men is so overdone, I fell in love with TechnicallyRon’s clever tweet, particularly with A TARDIS FULL OF BRAS. That hit me where I lived as the most awesome display of feminism that could possibly exist in WhoLand.

I created this meme:

What I would give for a giant TARDIS at a con where women everywhere could hang up bras! I wonder if there is a charitable organisation that takes bras and gives them to women in need. Hm. I would love to turn this into something altruistic and geeky at the same time. We fill a TARDIS with brand-new bras, take a photo for posterity, and then donate the bras to charity.

I must ponder this. Seriously. I’ll give it a good think. I know con-organising people!

As for the Doctor being a woman, like one person said on social media, imagine an episode where River Song meets her timelady spouse! GASP! Won’t somebody think of the children??? Someone should think about them. Children are cool when it comes to these things. Adults are the ones who tend to be stupid at times.

Anyway, watch Doctor Who. It’s fun, has bitchin’ theme music, and now comes with moar bras!

Yeah, I knew I couldn’t be too deep or upset about this. Being a woman, I’m used to women doing things. We’re like that. We do lots of different things. It’s not that shocking to us. For some reason it’s upsetting to certain men, but us? Nah.

We could so do time travel. In a time machine full of bras. We so could.

I used to write manuals for the different systems of flight simulators, in an aerospace company. I think I could navigate a little blue box.

/cg

Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network, a blog that solely features writers who manage disabilities and/or chronic illness.

I’ll be at Ottawa Comiccon 2017

On 9 May 201717 May 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Cons, This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

Look for me at the Renaissance table on Friday May 12, 2017 at Ottawa Comiccon, from 1-5 pm, selling Life in the ’Cosm and other awesome books. I’ll be floating around all weekend, too. Follow my Instagram to see what I’m up to! So stoked!

/cg

Hannah

Cait Gordon is author of Life in the ’Cosm, a story about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague. She is also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network, a blog featuring writers with disabilities and/or chronic illness. In her spare time Cait plays drums, reads, plots to take over the world with The Brain, and eats an absurd amount of cupcakes.

Are you genre non-binary?

On 30 Mar 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

That’s not a typo in the title of this post. This term is the ingenious brainchild of my best friend, educator and activist for transgender rights, Talia C. Johnson. (Btw, her blog is brilliant, so follow it!)

Yesterday I finished the first draft of my third and final short story for the winter-spring anthology season. After re-reading what I’d written, I felt I faced a dilemma. Because I constantly straddle the comedy and sci-fi genres, I told Talia I didn’t know whether to submit to an anthology for comedy writers or science fiction writers. This was our Facebook chat:

Me> I can’t figure out whether I should send it to the humour anthology or the sci-fi anthology about optimism.

Talia> Short story?

Me> Yeah. The sci-fi people might think it’s not sci-fi enough and the humour people might say it’s too sci-fi.

Talia> Damn it! It’s genre non-binary!

Me> IT IS!

Talia> Genrefluid.

Me> OMIGOSH! This is a thing!

You must understand that Talia and I discuss gender topics almost daily, and she is my prime consultant for vetting gender-amazing characters and content in my writing. I’ll send her scenes from my book or short stories in a panic and say, “Is it OKAY???” (Yes, I’m that cishet person who is terrified of offending. Don’t worry; I’m growing.) My fear of screwing up gender-fabulous peeps never comes to fruition as Talia says, “It’s fine. It’s fine. Just have fun with it. It’s sci-fi. You’re not an asshat.”

But yesterday when she said my work was genrefluid, I nearly died of laughter. It’s probably the best way to describe a writer who isn’t fully immersed in one genre. My space opera, Life in the ‘Cosm, can fall into humour, romance, and sci-fi categories. No, it’s not ‘hard sci-fi’, as some put it, but to those who don’t read that genre, it feels sci-fi to them. One person saw the cover and said, “I don’t like sci-fi, and when I explained some of the content, they got all excited. (It also doesn’t hurt that the book also has a lot of cake in it. Desserts are the universal language of love.)

I’m not surprised that I’m fluid in this way. In my life I’m never really strapped to one thing. I’m not exclusively a writer. I’m also a musician and have been for decades. I’m mad about crafting and this has recently ventured into designing costumes for cosplay. I’m a techno geek and web developer. My friends are also diverse as all out. My Google playlist ranges from awesome to don’t judge me. My gender expression can be interpreted as fluid. And I don’t even have a favourite colour. All the colours are my favourite. I think colour, period, is my favourite.

nonbinaryblog I happen to like writing life experiences through aliens instead of humans. It ties into my personal theory that if life exists on other planets, there’s gotta be some poor slob who hates his job. With space opera, I can be serious and hilarious at the same time. I also get to create different races and choose their skin or fur or scales and colour them in like in a colouring book in my mind. I can have them fall in love or be clumsy in relationships. I don’t believe every ‘alien’ is a technology wiz or a military hero. Sometimes he’s a shy chubby guy who really likes cupcakes.

Being genrefluid might turn other authors’ noses up at me, or they might turn toward me in solidarity. Whatever others might think, I like writing what comes to my imagination and going on a journey with my characters. I don’t want to feel any constraints with genre. I want to have a blast.

So far this genre non-binary writing is my jam. Coincidentally it also includes gender non-binary peeps, because the spectrum of gender is a real thing, too, and I love going beyond the cisgender scope.

Anyway, if you’re fluid between genres, too, you have a fellow author who gets you, and will probably want to read your stuff. Writing to me is like cooking; it’s more appetising when you don’t follow the recipe.

Although I still can’t get my mind around the pineapple pizza thing. I mean, I truly can’t.

/cg

CGAuthor Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.

I smell like two people! Or, how I write sex scenes.

On 17 Feb 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

Relax, all you authors and writers of erotica; your jobs are safe. Nobody will accuse me anytime soon of trying to steal your thunder. Not by a long shot.

This week I confessed to my publisher that no matter what genre I try to write in, everything comes out silly. I said, “I think my genre is Silly.” My publisher feels it’s a perfectly acceptable genre. I like this person.

Because I love writing with humour, I just had to extend it to our most vulnerable space–the bedroom. While sexual activity can be mind-blowing and magical and filled with fireworks, sometimes the clunkiness of life and the quirks of people can take it to a different place. A ridiculous place, really. I know in my life some of my biggest laughs with my spouse have been in bed, when things haven’t gone to plan. Yet, those odd, imperfect moments always created a deeper intimacy between us. Made everything a bit more real, and somehow a bit more perfect.

If you’ve not read Life in the ’Cosm, then warning, spoilerishy things are imminent.

As most of the book was a stream of consciousness, I didn’t limit where I went in my writing. I got the first two chapters down, and then opened chapter three with:

Self-gratification was not an easy task in the flat.

Okay, so we’re going with masturbation in this scene, I thought, refusing to delete what I’d written. It made sense. My protagonist had been longing for someone he literally couldn’t have and the poor guy was ready to explode. I gave Virj some release, but not without adding a little mortification to the mix. (You never know where Splot is slithering, or when Sonny will barge in with breakfast questions.) A beta-reader loved that scene and told me they could totally relate to Virj’s embarrassment.

Later on in the book, there’s that infamous moment when you’ve had too much to drink and only just realised you’ve slept with someone but have no memory of it:

She paused again, frowned, lifted the sheets over her head, and inhaled deeply. Then she screamed on top of her lungs.

“I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE! WHY DO I SMELL LIKE TWO PEOPLE?”

A valid question. We all know our personal perfumes, so when a foreign scent is blended with ours, we’d obviously like some answers. In my life, I’ve often said after a passionate tryst with my beloved, “Gee, it smells like two people who love each other.” Because doods, it truly does smell like two people! Amirite???

Also, sometimes there’s that gloppy sensation:

She shifted her position and immediately pulled a face. “Ew, I’m so goopy down there. When did you last masturbate, in your teens?”

Again, a valid question, if you cannae remember anything from the night before. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I loved adding the awkward things about sexual activity. It made me laugh, and I think it made my readers laugh, too. We can relate to the embarrassing, smelly, and goopy side of sex because that’s often what it’s actually like. Not every sexual encounter is a well-choreographed dance that ends in simultaneous orgasm. The films might want to have us believe that, but I think we writers need to tell the other side of it from time to time. We need less, “She was enthralled by his throbbing love-wand,” and more of, “OWWW! Get off my hair!”

Or is it just me?

Watching people work through those clumsy moments makes them more endearing to me as a reader, too. I don’t want to roll my eyes at the sexually unattainable. I want to laugh with empathy. I want to say, “Oh, heck, yes, I totally get it.” I want to see the sexy in the awkward, because people are still desirable when they’re goofing up. Maybe more so than when they’re suave, in my opinion. I want to make love to a real person, not a robot.

Unless it’s a cute and clumsy robot who blushes and reads poetry. I’d have to mull that one over.

Anyway, here’s to klutzy sex! Sláinte! (Raises cupcake in a toast.)

/cg

Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance Press). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.

Beyond the cupcake.

On 12 Feb 201712 Feb 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Just stuff, Random stuff, This blog's posts, WritingLeave a comment

If you don’t know me, then you might not grasp how shocking the title of this post is. Anyone who’s encountered me on social media or in real life knows that I love cupcakes. My erotic fantasy is Ewan McGregor giving me a come hither look while holding up a tray of assorted gluten-free, vegan fairy cakes. (He can even walk away and leave the tray of cakes, really.)

But as much as I love icing, there’s more to me and my writing than that.

Life in the ’Cosm: not just cake in space

When you write a book you’re also tasked with some self-promotion. I normally would add this tagline: Life in the ’Cosm, a story about love, adventure, and dessert. Or, I’d call it a comedy sci-fi with an unusual amount of cake.

While my book is funny (I know this because people have told me), and my protagonist Virj Ofreesin loves eating sweets, the story goes beyond the cupcake. Even though every character is made up, a lot of different feelings I had went into the book.

Because I hadn’t planned to get published originally, I wrote without limits or expecting anyone to read it. So, I went down a few roads that I wanted to explore:

Discrimination against LGBTQIA people by para-religious organisations.
Truly gracious spirituality versus religiosity.
Gender fluidity and changing preconceived gender roles.
Diversity in sexuality.
Dealing with disability.
Cyber affairs.
Chasing fantasy to the exclusion of those who truly love you.

If you haven’t read the book, you’re probably thinking, This is a comedy? If life has taught me anything, it’s that even during the heaviest and deepest moments, something happens that makes me laugh. My darkest moments also have included some of the funniest memories. I think seeing the humorous side of things has kept me alive.

Warning: an expressive extrovert lives here

Writer Amy M. Young called me an extroverted tornado, but she admits that I am extremely introvert-friendly. So, I have that going for me. Whoot!

While I like to talk about cake and can do it forever and ever and ever, I will get passionate about issues that matter to me. One of the reasons my writing includes characters who are gender-amazing and/or are more than cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) is because the majority of my close friends can claim one or several letters in the LGBTQIA acronym. What they endure matters to me, and even though I’m cishet myself, I really want to include gender and sexual diversity in my books. To me, it’s a reflection of real life.

Because I also manage a disability, it was important to me to include a character in Life in the ’Cosm who deals with one, too. She is also feisty to a fault, and robustly sexually active. You know what? We who live with disabilities like sex. Yet, it’s often thought that it’s taboo to think of us that way. (See my post in the Spoonie Authors Network blog called, Sexy and disabled: yes, you can be both!).

So, I often use my creative writing, non-fiction blogs, and social media statuses to discuss my viewpoints in these areas.

(Btw, if you’re wondering why I didn’t include people of colour as part of my creative writing, it’s only because almost every single character is a different colour from each other. In real life, I am very pro ethnic and racial diversity. Heck, I grew up in Montreal, Quebec. It was like having the whole world in one city!)

So, yeah, and stuff like that.

Anyway, just wanted to share a wee bit o’ insight into my own character. But please do not interpret this as my putting cupcakes as a lower priority in my life. I can love people and be an activist and an author while eating dessert, too. I can multitask, you know.

Hm. This post’s made me hungry. I think I need to merge some ingredients now.

Later, peeps!

/cg

Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ’Cosm, a space opera about a little green guy who’s crushing on the female half of his two-headed colleague (Renaissance Press). Cait’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.

The judgy Ovum known as Splot.

On 6 Jan 2017 By Cait (like Kat) GordonIn Cosm characters, WritingLeave a comment

He’s oozy and slimy, resembles a fried egg, and is probably judging you right now. He’s the Ovum known as Splot.

In Life in the ‘Cosm, we learn that several years before the story begins, Virj Ofreesin finds an alien known as an Ovum on his breakfast plate at a cheap diner. Instead of eating him, or reporting the restaurant to Planet Cinneh’s food inspection authorities, Virj takes the little guy home as a pet and gives him the name Splot.

The two beings form an interesting pair-bond, and Splot begins to communicate with Virj telepathically. While the Ova use telepathy to talk to each other all the time, an Ovum can only choose one person outside their species to speak to in this fashion. Splot chose Virj. Sounds sweet until you discover the types of things Splot actually says.

“Seriously, what are you, some kind of numpty?”

“Not now, Splot.”

Poor Virj can also pick up Splot thinking aloud or speaking to another Ovum, just like one’s overhears someone talking.

“Don’t look at me! It’s not my fault he’s useless with women!”

“I heard that!” shouted Virj from the hallway.

And it’s extremely difficult for Virj to have a bit of erm, um, self-caring private time, because the Ovum crawls all over the flat and can appear out of nowhere.

[Virj’s] breath burst out of his lungs. That didn’t take long.

“What the blazes are you doing with that thing?” asked Splot.

I had a lot of fun writing Splot’s dialogue, because it was often one line here and one line there. (Personally, I think Splot says the things that many of us are thinking. ) And because he only has these huge eyes to gesture with, I needed to face the challenge of making that work, too.

One time I was fooling with my stylus and I came up with this sketch:

His expression made me laugh so hard. I felt it relayed the essence of his character, and used it as an emoji of sorts when communicating to my friends in private messages. Often, I prefaced the image with the line, “I’m making the Splot face.” It’s such a perfect catch-all for when you want to be a little judgmental, but still funny.

Whenever I hear a reader tell me they also love Splot, it makes me happy. I love him, too. He’s on my screen looking at me right now, just like that sketch, wondering why I’m not writing my second book. An odd sort of motivational poster, but it works for me.

You can read more about Splot in my book, Life in the ‘Cosm. Available on Amazon and Renaissance Press!

/cg