_{(I’m not a doctor, so please don’t take this article as a substitute for medical advice. This is my personal story. Always consult with your physician and/or specialist. Cheers, Cait.)}

Today I went for my mammogram and ultrasound because I’d found a breast lump over the Christmas holidays. Yes, that was super fun. I blogged about it in Breast Lump: The Sequel. 

In the time since that last blog I went from planning my grave site, to picking rainbow wigs, to thinking about cupcake nipple tattoos, and to writing some of my second and third books in the Life in the ‘Cosm series. My brain went boing, boing, boing and I had all the emotions. GO ME!

Apparently this is normal behaviour. So, wow, I did something normal in my life. Who knew I could? Makes me sort of proud, really.

I did receive my results this morning. A large cyst, benign. The technician, after consulting with the radiologist of course, gave me the good news. She explained it was a liquidy type of cyst and she pointed to the image on the screen and said, “See? It’s like a Black Hole!”

Can I get an Amen for being a writer of comedic space operas and having a Black Hole in my boob? Anyone? Anyone?

While I am relieved, this has been a sobering experience. I diligently tend to my breast health but I must confess I’ve been delinquent on my self-exams. I shan’t be (love finding an excuse to write shan’t) any longer. I think it’s so important to know how your boobs feel, so you can note any differences and bring up any question you have with your doctor.

If you’ve not done a breast exam, perhaps ask your doctor to give you a chart and info about it, or to show you how to do it. I was lucky in that I’d done many in my adult life, so even though I was a bit lax in this last year, I’d enough of a memory of how I felt to go, “Hey, what’s that?”

Twice I’ve caught a lump before anyone else had. Each time it turned out to be benign, but I was glad that I found the problem. The only thing I want to get better at if this happens again is saying to myself and truly believing the immortal words of Douglas Adams: Don’t panic!  Not panicking is easier said than done, but it’s also a much better lifestyle choice.

Anyway, it looks like all is well with the fatty orbs on my chest. I still might buy long multi-coloured wigs, though. BECAUSE MULTI-COLOURED WIGS, YO! Am I right?!

Take care of yourselves, peeps. Imma do the same. Where da cupcakes at?

/cg

Cait Gordon is an Irish-Canadian warrior princess and author of Life in the ‘Cosm, a space opera about aliens with issues (Renaissance Press). She’s also the editor of the Spoonie Authors Network blog.